I'm just a teddy bear.

So, Recently I have learned a lot about myself. I am more needy than I thought. I want to be in a relationship so badly. There goes the Mrs. Independent front I had up. I'm just a girl, who wants to be cared for. I tell people I hate hugs but I secretly I can't wait to cuddle up to the perfect man. I'm a teddy bear on the inside. I set up this wall to protect myself from some of the evil I have encountered in the past. I wish I could just learn to let God take care if everything. How do you teach yourself to do that? I really like control. I am taking control of this now. I will give it all to God and be filled with the holy ghost, soon. No more being lazy. Gotta, read my Bible pray every day...lol He is the true secret to happiness.

I have never known so much Happiness before in my life. I have to thank the Lord and live everyday for him so that I can keep this joy.

more another time.

ARG!

So, why do people take advantage of me? I try to be nice and do things for people and then in spite of my niceness they ask for more. Even when they see me in a sticky situation and I offer free tickets to them, they want more. Can't they see that I am not made of money, that Dane cost me a fortune? Why would you ask for a free ticket for someone else. Stop being a mooch and grow up! I do appreciate the people who understand these things and are actually grateful I gave them the tickets and even tried to sell some for me. Why can't there be more people like them?

I have tons of great people around me though. I'm so proud of them. Chrissy for becoming a Paramedic. Andrea working with kids and helping out the autistic boy. I know so many awesome people that work with kids and people struggling with disabilities. Jaclyn, Benji, Alex, Marie, Katherine, Tessa. Keep up the good work. Kids need good influences, and I'm glad these are the people who have decided to make a difference in the world.

So, I think I want to work at Sport Chek for a really long time. I'm not sure if it's because it's comfortable for me, or if I think I can go far there. I love the people I work with. I find myself wanting to be the boss. Not the manager, but when I see employees standing around for too long when there is something more productive they could be doing I get frustrated. I find the urge to find a task for them and tell them to do it. I desire for our store to run successfully, and I think we need to work as a team for that to happen. I hate when I see someone wasting time. It drives me insane when people think they get paid to stand around. I've had employees say their job is so easy. If they were the people who I knew were hard workers this sentence wouldn't bug me so much, but they aren't. There is always something to be done. I'm not trying to sound like the man whipping his horse to get him to move. I believe work is a place to have fun but I think you should finish your tasks as well. So you make it a game to see who can answer the phone and have a chuckle over that, but you get back to work. Standing around and having 20 minute conversations is not necessary, task while talking. I think that I want to a have a more important position at Sport Chek because It annoys me to see customers who have not been helped when the employee is off tasking. I am not sure how I could change things. Maybe since I'm on the floor always I know what each employee needs to work on. Don't get me wrong we have tons of people who are awesome at their jobs. And I'm not saying that I'm the best employee I sometimes stop and talk I realize these moments and then I feel guilty and try to find something to do. I'm tired of people thinking being a cashier would be a breeze. Maybe I'm biased but we have a tough job. We deal with all the difficult customers. Say each sales associate has one dumb customer, that makes three for us. We have to remember numbers and which customer an SA called up to say is theirs. We clean, hang clothes, grab fitting rooms and even sometimes sell to customers. Don''t think we have it easy. We work hard and are under paid!!!!!!!

well i gotta shower and get ready good night!

I'm a little less crazy.

I was reading some of my old notes from High School and Facebook. Wow was I obsessive. I would talk about how I would make myself noticeable to my crushes by finding out their classes and walking by. I went out of my way to do my hair for them and choose the cutest outfits. I’m really glad I have decided I don’t care about men anymore. I’m dressing for myself and doing everything for myself. It’s a better more healthy way to live. Someday I will meet the man God has hand picked out for me. Since he’s already been chosen there is no need for me to search for him. This new outlook has made it way easier to be friendlier with guys. I now can smile and chat with hot guys without getting all flustered. I am a confident and strong girl now. I also find myself attracted to all types of guys since my I don’t care attitude. I’m more about the personality. Which is great because I hated how Judgemental I was becoming.

I am now on a new quest in life. I want to find out what I want to be in life or rather what God wants me to be. How can I make a difference in the world? I went out for supper with some great people awhile back. One was a teachers assistant and one who worked at the boys and girls club, one a future teacher, the other who works for Manitoba’s Youth in Care Network. They all are doing great things in this world.

I’m also going to live vicariously through others. I want to become a cop but cannot because of my neck injury. I know a couple people who are on that path and I will mooch off their interesting lives. I had a love for cooking but lost interest in that. Someday I will have my dream home with a huge kitchen and large dining room to have the whole family over for Christmas. We will all cook together and not get in each others way. Dishes will be a breeze once I have a giant dishwasher like in restaurants that you rinse and push through the washer and they come out steaming hot and clean. Maybe a walk-in Fridge? L.O.L. doubt it. I will still get to cook so that dream is not lost. I was thinking about the brief love affair I had with drawing. I wasn’t the best artist but I enjoyed drawing. I’m sure if I took courses I could improve my skills. It’s hard for me to sit and draw these days I feel like there are more important things to do. Drawing just takes so much time, I’m not a speed artist. I’m lucky I know a really talented artist. I can look at his art and hear about the class. I love looking at art and hearing the theme and analyzing how they came up with the picture. I love really good art. Stuff that makes you think. I love photography that is the type of artist I want to be. I want to take a really good picture that conveys an awesome message. If only I had an interesting mind and could be that creative. I enjoy singing but I miss a lot of notes and sound like a dying canary.

So, what will I be if those are all the dreams I cannot do? How do I go about finding this amazing course I’m suppose to take without wasting money? When will I discover this amazing thing I will do to change the world? Sport Chek cannot be the answer, how can I affect peoples lives there?

A Bit Of Everything.

So, I haven't blogged in a while. But if you follow me on twitter, are friends with me on facebook or see me a lot, you have heard me complain about my wisdom tooth being pulled. I know, I'm a baby. I have been floored by the pain. On Friday my Uncle Pierre called to let me know he heard on CHVN that it was Shine Dental's "Free Day" Free Day meaning they do free work for people with no insurance. So, my mom and i hopped out of bed and went there. The secretary told us you had to make appointments, but could fit us in because of a cancellation. I was thinking to myself It's our lucky day (this was before I had gotten the news that they planned on pulling my wisdom tooth.) Had I known this was the case I would have stayed in bed. Yes, I love sleep that much. If you have ever spent a day with me you would know that I am obsessive about brushing my teeth. I have to brush my teeth after every meal. This means carrying my tooth brush and sometimes mouth wash with me. Needless to say hearing I could get a free cleaning was reason enough to pull me out of bed.

The Dental assistant asked me if I had anything that was bothering me, so I mentioned how food got stuck between my teeth in the back. She quickly took an X-ray and informed me my wisdom tooth would have to be pulled because it was wearing out my other tooth. The X-Ray was bizarre my wisdom tooth was jamming horizontally into my teeth. I was completely comfortable when he numbed my mouth. Once he told me he had to break some bones and slice some of my gum my heart began to race. This was a feeling way too familiar to me it was the "OMG what am I doing?" heart pounding I had when I got my tattoo.

Dr. Wong kept telling me I was doing Great he must have read my emotions easily. I was freaking out on the inside but staying calm and quiet in the real world. I felt like a test subject, All the dental Assistants had to come look at my X-ray and stop by to see how things were going. Dr. Wong also kept saying things like "now it should come right out" or "this should do the trick, nope" and "Let's try this" He had to take it out in 7 pieces. So not fun! Now, I'm suffering through some pain and can't wait for these stitches to dissolve. A few days have passed and my stitches have tore open and I have a gaping hole in my gum. Real fun!

I saw the man of my dreams the other day. I'm gonna call him Sport Chek guy because I only see him when he shops there. He doesn't come in too often but every time he does I want to run to him and never let go. It's too bad He's unavailable. Maybe he will leave his girlfriend because of the amazing small talk he and I have lol j/k Seriously, He's like this dreamy model type. Perhaps he isn't as hot as I make him out to be because I told Chrissy about him when he left and she said I didn't really look. He's the kind of attractive that you can't help but look. Also he's not some air head jock or dumb blonde model he uses intelligent words. Where do men like that hang out? I wanna go there. lol I'm not shallow, I would totally date any guy. He just has to have an amazing sense of humor and a brain. No dense boys for me!

I finally bought the last season of How I Met Your Mother. I love the show. For next weeks work schedule Jacey asked me if I preferred 40 hrs or Monday nights off so I can watch my show. Of course I said How................................................................ about the 40 hours.

I caught something that I find interesting. In the episode where Ted has his first day as professor he mentions how his wife is in that class. Will we meet her? I'm not sure because he's in the wrong room. I heard a rumor that Rachel Bilson will play the mother. Is Perez Hilton wrong?

I have missed bible study and youth for a few weeks now. I'm totally losing touch. I don't read my bible as nearly as I should and that pexting idea isn't working I'm the last on the list and never get the message. I wonder if my number is correct?! I wish they could work my shifts so that I can have Wed. and Friday nights off. at least I still have Sundays.

I still really miss Twyla I want to send her a message to say hi and see how she is doing but I don't wanna upset her. Why does life have to suck?

I have missed the gym so much lately totally not in the mood. I need it though. I have been so tired since I don't go as often. It's okay for a bit but I have to get back into the routine. Summer aka swimsuit time will be here sooner than you think. Especially if i keep skipping the gym.

So, I wonder about people why we do what we do. I don't understand why or how we can hurt people and not mean it. When I was a kid I told my cousin my best friend liked him when she told me not to. Why do we always think we know what's best for people. What qualifies us to be the know it all with all the right answers. I'm completely talking about myself. I'm extremely judgmental I always make comments like "when I'm a parent I won't do that" or "They need to discipline them better" or "That kid deserves a good smack" (all kids need a good beating to set them right) (I turned out fine) I also tell people what they do wrong in relationships; Like don't date someone you think you can change cuz you can't, or he doesn't respect you if he fooled around with you when he knew you were in a serious relationship.

I still think these are valid comments. I do think that since I have not experienced raising children or a relationship that I shouldn't judge. Somehow I still feel I know best. I have observed these situations and I can learn from seeing these things. I know everyone hates that I judge them for these things but it's something I have to work on. I'm glad I am like this in a way. I can use these things I judge people with to do the right things in my life. It won't make me an expert but it will save me from some problems. I'm sure I will mess up in some areas but then you can judge me and tell me what I'm doing wrong. I like healthy criticism.

I love being random. I was watching, I may have mentioned this before, Scrubs. The Janitor and JD are whispering and then JD asks why are we whispering. The Janitor says, I wanted to see if you would whisper too. I have tried that a few times. SO much fun. THe other day I walked up to Jacey with my hand in High 5 mode not telling him I wanted a High 5, I got one though. I haven't gotten left hanging by this test but we'll see how it goes. If you have any ideas on other random things I can do let me know.

I was talking with my parents about how sneaky of a kid I was. I was funny. I may have talked about these before but I find them entertaining. My older sister and I had my youngest sister fall asleep on the pile of toys in my room so I wouldn't have to clean and could go play. I use to fall asleep with my face in the vegetables so I wouldn't have to eat them. I also take the blame for broken dishes because I know people like me best and don't get mad at me. I also had this ingenious plan to fake that I'm asleep when the parents came into the room to yell at us for talking. I would have a certain position that I would sleep in and every time I heard them coming I would lye the same way. I wanna hear everyones stories. How sneaky were you?

well i gotta go get ready. Later <3

Warning: You are about to encounter some faith talk!

So I was watching a Youtube video of a Kirk Cameron interview and there was the funniest comments on the page.

Non Christians have the funniest thoughts. Well I'm sure Christians have said some weird things before too. It is good that they ask these questions but they aren't really seeking answers, they are bashing our beliefs.

Here is one about Micheal J. Fox because he was mentioned in the interview: (I wonder why he wasn't asked "So why do you think God gave MJF Parkinson's?" what a Hack!)

In my personal opinion and from what I have learned in my few years as a Christian; God doesn't curse people. If he did "give" Micheal Parkinson's you should know that God doesn't give anyone things they cannot handle. If God did punish people by giving them Illnesses wouldn't he give; Murders and Rapists diseases like this? I think that Micheal got this disease so that he could make a difference. His fame and riches has made him the perfect person to spear head Parkinson's research. I don't know Micheal J. Fox's Religious beliefs, but I know that God will use believers and no believers to do his work. So far Micheal has been doing a good job.

Another one; (there are many people dying, hungry poor and God couldn't give two shits about them and Kirk has money a beautiful wife, God answers his prayers. What a load of shit!)

Well, this ones a toughie. Yes, Kirk is blessed. God gives to those who have given. When you give money you get money, when you give love you get love, and when you give help you receive help. God is using Kirk to spread his word. These homeless/ hungry people are also doing God's work. With the love and kindness they show people and stray animals. They have nothing and are humble and loving. People give them shelter and food and God smiles. Know that these people aren't doomed to live lives of hunger and lack of shelter. They too can have money and rich, full lives. They just need to trust in God. I'm not saying that these people are all non believers. Even; every Sunday, front row, church attendees do not have enough faith to believe that God can pull them out of their pain. The homeless may have more faith than some church regulars. We also have to know that not everything is handed to you on a platter. You have to search for work or help. If you are homeless and hungry but won't get up and walk to the soup kitchen, how do you expect to be fed?

Now, people are going to think I am harsh and cruel. Sorry but I'm a tough love kind of girl. If you want something work for it. Maybe your dreams are bigger than you think possible. Know that nothing is impossible with God. You just have to be willing to do anything for God and believe with all your heart it is possible.

One thing I find Highly entertaining is how atheists love to slam our beliefs. They feel they have a right to tell us we are insane. I as a Christian would never tell you, you were wrong to your face, although I know you are wrong. I would Pray for you and hope you would come to know how amazing God is. I would only tell you of my beliefs if you had some interest. If you had questions I would try to answer them to the best of my knowledge. I will also be honest to tell you I don't have all the answers because I am still learning. Even my Pastor who I find to be extremely wise, would tell you he doesn't have every answer to every question. A wise person is humble enough to know this.

All the answers any human has is in the Bible, so I recommend reading it. You may tell me you have read it from start to finish and didn't get what you were looking for. My answer is that you are asking the wrong questions and to try again. Many times a passage has a different meaning when read the second time. Something different speaks to you and what you are going through now.

I am so annoyed by the crazy people who call themselves Christians. The people who say the are on America's Next Top Model because God told them to do it. People who have murdered and said God told me to do it is insane. People who don't drink and dance because God says it's wrong. At the last supper Jesus says he will drink wine with the disciples in his Father's kingdom. So, It's not a sin to drink. I know this because Jesus was and is the only man to live a life free of sin. Drunkenness is another story. If it was a sin to Dance would the bible tell us to praise him through dance in Psalm 149:3?

I have really enjoyed this blog. Forced me crack open the bible a couple of times and to stick up for my beliefs. Perhaps I would not be strong enough to take a bullet for my faith but maybe someday. I've grown this much so who knows what God can and will continue to do in my life.

I love him.

I really don't care if you are reading this and think I am crazy. I warned you it got intense. This is what I believe. Maybe someday through my studies of the bible my belief will change but I will always Love Jesus, and follow what I have read in the Bible.

Good Night and God Bless!

Superstar!

Yesterday I Forgot to bring my runners with me to church so I had to wear my flats I'm so glad I didn't have an 8 hour shift or my feet would have been killing me. I had to take my shoes off somewhere in the middle of my shift and stand on my tip toes so they wouldn't hurt. Never again will I forget my shoes. I remember how Jason was telling me to buy shoes comfort over looks and I disagreed. I soon regretted it. I then bought some comfortable asics and he got to say I told you so. lol

I was trying to find out the air date of the how I met your mother season 5 and saw a preview but it wouldn't let me watch it because I am not an American citizen. BOO!!!

So, I usually am so envious of all the happy couples around me but not lately. Everyone has become single. I think single might just be so much easier. No need to worry about other peoples feelings, and freedom. Not that I need freedom. A boy wouldn't and shouldn't take away from personal time and girlfriend time. And if you are with the right person you wont hurt them and they wont hurt your feelings. I do see the appeal of a relationship but, I don't think i can be in one. I'm too independent. I like to do things for myself and by myself. I've seen too many of the women around me rely on men for income, to foot the bill, to buy them pretty things. I have a job, I can do all that myself. Heck I have supported my mom and my sister on my measly Subway paycheck. If I were in a relationship I may fight over the bill and never let him buy me things.

That should be in a personal add, men would love never paying or wasting money on things that he can't wear. lol

So, I'm doomed to be single because of my independence. I think I'm okay with that sure I'd love to have a guy around but I can live alone.

I'm probably just saying this because I'm sick of being single. I think I may really want a relationship so I tell myself I love being single. Does that make any sense? Probably the smartest thing I've said.

I don't mind being single though. I have gotten comfortable. It's what I know, Safe.

It's terrible of me to judge people but when I look at these people who have been in relationships, I wonder why and how they could hurt someone they supposedly love. I then wonder is it just because they are human? Will I be doomed to hurt someone too? Let's hope not. Let's hope my observing these other peoples mistakes will help me get it right.

I found a book that has all my prayers in it, I haven't written my prayers down in a long time. I'm going to try that again. It seemed to keep me closer to God. It made me think of who I am and realize all my mistakes and improve on those qualities.

Maybe I have changed since a year ago. Hope I can become a better person.

That reminds me my friend Twyla, Can I still call her my friend if she doesn't want to be my friend? I would still call her my friend because I still want to be her friend. That would be like that movie Beyonce is in, Obsessed. The other woman was insane and claimed they were a happy item, when really she made it all up in her head. SO, I will now refer to Twyla as my greatest old friend. It sounds better than ex best friend. Ex best friend makes it seem like we are not friends, my choice. I do want to be her friend but she chose not to be mine. What I wanted to say about Twyla is that I really miss her I keep relating things to "Friends" and no one gets the comparison. She would. I miss hearing about her daily life. Her work day, even when it was something dull she made it exciting. I guess that's why she is a reporter. She tells a great story. I would even tell her stories (about how she lost her cell phone, or how she wrote to Robert Munsch for a school project) to people around me. I'm sad that she has these negative feelings and thoughts towards me. I'm sad that I'm not the friend she wants to keep around. I hope I was a good enough friend for her, one that she deserved. She is a great person and deserves true happiness.

I've come up with a new pose for pictures. We went to the forks and Sarah wanted her picture taken so I told her to do the superstar pose. While I said this I put my fingers under my armpits and then sniffed them. While not meaning to I made a random stranger laugh. I'm going to pose like that always so I can remember that day :)

I really want to go to bed so I can wake up and get my cell phone back. I am so mad that I left it in Jacey's office. I put it down on the golf set box and thought to myself don't forget it there. Of course I do :( Since it's a long weekend I've had to wait a hole day. If you have ever forgotten your cell at home you will agree with me that you feel naked without it. I keep hearing vibrations and ring tones from other peoples cell phones and I look around like a lost puppy, searching for it's mother.

Of course when I thought I had left it in Kelsey's car I facebook messaged every single person to try get Kelsey's number. The only person to reply was Dinuldy. She's so awesome :)

Well I gotta do somethings before I sleep. Good Night

While in swan I learned how to light a fire. We needed to know how since we were going camping over the weekend. I am a city girl, most of the time. I don't get dirty if I don't have to. Growing up, whenever my dad had to fix a car or something electrical, I would be the one bringing drinks or something. I would never help. I didn't learn anything from Camp, even though I took the wilderness course. So, we attempted to get the fire started and had no success the paper would burst into flames and then quickly burn out. Every time we tried. The next day we tried using these amazing things called fire starters. They ignite immediately, all you have to do is surround it with kindling and some wood and you are set. They should have mentioned that when I was at camp. lol

Houses are so expensive. we have to shell out some money for a duct cleaning. I would rather rub a balloon on a cat and throw it down there. That would have the humane on my case, so how about putting my niece in a fuzzy tutu and sending her in there to collect the dust. Then Child and Family Services would hunt me down. I guess since I fit through a tennis racket I could shimmy my way through there. lol

Speaking of CFS. I was reading in the Free Press about the kid getting their head smashed onto the curb. How can anyone do that? I cannot remember, did they say the lady was drunk? another reason why I don't like booze. Perhaps she was mentally unaware. If that's the case. I'm sad. I am not sure of my thoughts on this subject. If some one suffers from a mental disability and murders someone should they just go to a facility for help? I'm thinking they should still be in prison and get the help they need there. Dangerous people shouldn't be free to roam the streets. that would be a controversial topic. agree or disagree with me on the subject??

I went to the gym with Jen the other day. She is one dedicated girl. I usually go for an hour she kept me there for two. Needless to say my body hurts. :(

lame blog but i'm tired and i open tomorrow g'night!

my vacation so far has been bitter sweet.

I have enjoyed catching up with my relatives at the wedding. I have missed them terribly. Rick and I talked video games, music. Sadly as the fun began my ride decided they wanted to leave. My auntie Val made a joke about how she use to take us to movies but now that were of age we can drink together.
I don't really understand the appeal of drinking. Sure, I'll have one Drink but any more than that I do not see the point. Why do you want to lose your inhibitions? I like to have full control over my mind. If people use it, so they can have fun they really need to become more fun. I have a blast and never drink. If you need it because you can't bear the people you are with, stop hanging out with them. I don't mind drinking, it's just that I believe you should not get drunk. I don't think I'm going to drink again. I don't like the taste and what is the point of liquor? To get drunk or to relax. I can find other ways to relax that are ten times more fun.
The wedding was beautiful. I'm so happy for my cousin Jay. He looks like the happiest man in the world. I'm glad the wedding turned out so lovely on a nice day. Even with the wind.
I had a nice visit with my Great Aunties. They are lovely. I also got time to read my bible go for a walk and go to church. It was weird I ran into someone who knew Zach. Small world, who would think I would meet someone who knew him in Norquay.
I Finally arrived in swan Monday night. I love seeing Melissa. I truly missed her. I haven't hung out with her in so long. Since I moved our visits were always over dinner. Needless to say I am enjoying this catch up time. Hope I'm not intruding. I'm not sure how I would feel having someone staying at my house for a week. They seem okay with it so far.
I wish I knew more people in swan. I am so bored during the day. I'm so jealous though, that Melissa and Jeff have full time day jobs. Lucky small town people.
I came to Swan with a mission. I really want to keep Twyla as a friend but she just doesn't care anymore. I gave her a book that I thought was perfect. It was called "I'll Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch. I thought it would be perfect because she loves the author and it was read by Joey on Friends, her favorite t.v. show. Sadly that would the most thought I put into a gift for any person. I saw it and had to get it for her. Anyways, I dropped it off in between her doors and then texted her to tell her I was in Swan if she wanted to talk. Then, she replied saying I'm mean and Vindictive lately. I don't know what she means perhaps I was a bit harsh sometimes, but really when someone tells you, have changed into someone they don't like you are hurt. Doesn't she understand that? Am I suppose to sit back while she tells me I'm a terrible person? I felt I needed to defend myself. I'm not a bad person. I am not a crazy bar star, and I gossip, yes, It's my one bad habit. Sue me. I am not even sure what she thinks I have said that is vindictive, but if I'm some kind of evil that she needs to stay away from then okay. I shouldn't infect other people.

DEPRESSED!!!!!!

arg!

well, I was having a good day shared a few jokes at work spent time with my sister and her kids. then I came home had a freak out because, I hate money. Sorry Tanya, I really don't mind lending money. I am just frustrated.

How do families survive on one income? I find it hard to live on 2. It seems every time I get paid, my check is immediately gone to bills and food. I really wish I could move out and only had myself to support. Andrea offered me a sweet deal. I think she said 290 a month plus hydro. I would love that. If only I had no obligations at home. It would be so good for me to move out. I would find independence, and freedom. How can I grow up if I still live at home. I suppose that I have been forced to grow up already. No kid should support their parents. Once, I was supporting three people on my minimum wage, not quite full time job.

How do single teen mothers do it? I do not believe in abortions but I would definitely give a kid up for adoption if I had gotten pregnant at a young age. I could not imagine raising a family on my own. Glad I kept my legs together. :P

I know this girl who I don't understand. She gets so upset, often over little things. They aren't anything to worry about. I would let them roll off my back had they happened to me. You did something I wanted to do and I wasn't included (I tell you I hate you, jokingly of course) I'm not invited to your party (Slightly hurt but still love you) A guy doesn't like me and has a girlfriend (tell him she is a lucky girl and know that he's missing out on a prize like me) Why do people react like preteens. Grow up please! I can't cater to peoples every emotion. So far I do things and don't say things to her because I think it may upset her. In the case of her calling one of our friends gay who gets called that all the time at school (he isn't by the way) I should have told her to apologize but didn't because I thought she may cry. Not anymore! I will not walk on egg shells around you. I'm gonna set her right. Be ready for me world, I'm not a push over anymore.

Let's hope work goes well tomorrow. Much like today if not more fun. :)

Oh what a day!

I woke early to shower and shave my legs. It was a cool shower, because I couldn't use my usual steaming hot water with my burn. Hot sprinkling water on your burn is like poking yourself with tons of needles. I have the worst skin. I do not remember burning this much when I was a kid, and I spent tons of hours at the beach for my summers. Now, every single time I spend a day under the suns streaming rays I will undoubtedly get burned. I wouldn't mind it so much if it was an even burn. I keep getting the craziest burns, as I have mentioned before. This one, fills my white spots in but my back is whiter than milk. When I got off work today I was so glad I worked in an air conditioned building today. It was deathly hot out. But, those are the summers I remember growing up. It was never hard for me to get into the water as a kid, now it takes me forever. On a day like today I would jump in immediately for a much needed cool down.

I left for work not forgetting anything for once. Caught my bus, which sadly isn't a regular occurrence for me. I was glad everything was going so well. I would work, eat my homemade lunch, (I also rarely have time to make one of those) go to the gym after work and head to Bible study. When I soon arrived at work my good day quickly vanished. I opened my bag to find I had not closed my pasta and tomatoe sauce container completely. Tomatoe sauce everywhere, including my new really expensive camera a.k.a. my baby. I was glad to have Chrissy there to take care of my camera. She got the gunk out of every nook and cranny. Meanwhile I tried to clean up the huge mess by putting all my belongings into garbage bags. Needless to say I'm never bringing any type of sauce for lunch again.

So, I could not go to the gym today unless I wanted to attract all the skinny girls who do not eat. I would have smelled yummy.

Oh, so since I had no more lunch I had to buy it. When I told my sister of the sauce catastrophe she reminded me she had my debit card. Luckily I had my Visa. I hate using a Visa for small transactions so I had to go big or go home. So, I ordered 2 pizzas and cinna sticks and a 2L coke. Perhaps people think I eat a lot because I order lots. I tried so hard to share it with everyone but only a few people would help me out. I then realized I had to carry them home. I was bound to look like a homeless person with my clothes in garbage bags dogs following me because of the scent. Observers would surely think I picked up the pizza from the garbage bin of Dominoes. Silliness. Why such bad luck?

I got on bus after work and, remembered the good old school days, when I took hour long bus rides. I enjoyed them. I remember napping in the back seat in grade nine as the "big kid" and getting dibs on the seats in grade ten because we were the first stop. We had a variety when it came to bus drivers. Some everyone loved others everyone hated. Back in grade 3 my bus driver was the coolest he took us to his place at the end of June for ice cream and Gave us chocolate at Christmas. We even chipped in, to get him a gift. I remember there was this huge bump in the road that allowed us to pretend we could fly, he saw this and sped up for us. Sadly my older cousins came and made him into a bitter old man. They were rebels who loved to stir up trouble. The next few years were filled with; seating arrangements, not being able to leave your seat until you arrived home, him picking one of my cousins up by the collar and tossing him into his rightful seat. Oh, I can't forget when he closed Gemma's head in the door. The day he quit he was probably just as happy to be gone as we were to have him gone. We then had this lovely woman who was the mother of one of our friends. Needless to say everyone liked her. Can you believe, we celebrated the day we got a tape player on the bus no more silent bus rides? Now I bet you could pass your Ipod to your bus driver out in Benito. Sweet memories!

well I will leave it at that. at least my day ended on happy memories.

I love how I say when I was a kid and I remember when. I'm only 23, these things were just yesterday. LOL

Single and okay with it.

So, I have been very okay with my singlism lately. oops that makes it sound like a religion or something. LOL

Peoples relationship problems made me see that I like the drama free life I'm living. I'm going to enjoy myself and if some guy comes along that's worth my time Great. No more crushing for me, the guys I like will simply know that I like them. No chasing for me either. If they like me back they can do the work. None of the 'why hasn't he called?' tears or "does he like me?' panic for me.

I believe the guy who is worth the tears would never make me cry intentionally. It drives me insane when I see people in messed up relationships. Why let your significant other hit our verbally abuse you? That's not love or even like. If a dude ever hit me, adrenaline would kick in and I would knock him back into his mommas womb. I don't need drama I have been surrounded by it for way too long. I guess it has made me who I am, a girl who won't waste her time in any of these situations.

I think people shouldn't take dating so seriously until they are at the ready for marriage phase. I'd say 27 to 35 is a safe time. I agree with what Neil said today. This isn't how he put it but I interpreted it this way. Girls 18 to 23 aren't sure what the want and are drama seeking crazy people. (sadly I'm still 23. I'm so over the drama though. I know what I want.) I can't say that's a fact or anything. There are some exceptions. like me! LOL. I have met some boys (16 to 20) who are extremely mature and I have met some men (let's say 27 to 40) who are utterly immature. (hence a lot of immature ones)

I really want everyone to evaluate who they are and what they want out of a relationship before entering one. If you want a one night stand, a Church is not a good place to find one. LOL If you want something serious don't go to the clubs, no one has their right mind when they are there, drunk or not. Also be honest with the person, tell them what you are looking for. Save yourself the trouble, with any luck they may only want a "sleeping buddy" too. LOL I just thought of Joey using these quotations wrong on Friends. What a great Show! (Hope I used them correctly) LOL

In conclusion, I like being single for now. I love flirting and will continue to do so.

Later everyone!

Fun in the sun!

I finally got my much needed break from work. Sadly I don't go back to work until Thursday and will be bored the next two days. I'll deal.

My vacation began Friday. I packed up my stuff and headed to Gimli for the Islendingadagurinn.

We arrived and set up our tent. It was a lot easier than I thought, I will definitely be able to pitch it myself at the end of August. Can't wait! That night we went into town for the rock the dock event, but it was moved to the pavilion. Once we arrived there we saw people leaving and the music wasn't playing any more. So we went on our quest for a big rock to put under my collapsible BBQ. We found this great rocky area and ran into some drunk lady. She told us how she lost her cell phone the other night because she was so wasted that she woke up in the water. As we just about escaped this silly girl the cops pulled up. They approach us, flash their light on Benji's drink asking, "What do we have here?" It was just a Coffee Crisp flavored milk. They then asked what we were doing there, Andrea being the honest lovely person she is explains. I was wary about admitting we were there for a rock, is that not stealing public property? I guess it was nothing to worry about because once we explained what it was for they let us search. Benji had a nice chat with them while we found it. I wonder what drunk girl was doing while this was going on. We began heading to our car and she followed us as the cops left she told us she was pretending to be with us because there was a warrant out for her arrest. We quickly jumped into the car and locked our doors. Why do cops stop to talk to people like us and let the bad guys go under the radar? When we got back to my grandparents (willow creek) we began our bonfire. I like hot dogs!!

It is weird how times have changed so drastically. How my grandparents grew up to now. My Amma was upset that I didn't have two tents like I had originally said I would. (one for the boys and one for the girls.) It's not my fault they couldn't bring another tent. It just irks me that they don't see me as a responsible adult. There would be no way I would bring a bunch of people in their yard so they could have sex, and drink. It annoys me that they don't know me well enough. I'm a good girl. I hate that people from previous years have ruined it for me.

I hate guilt by association. Just because my cousins are like that they assume I am. Just because most teenagers are like that they assume I am. Prejudice is a funny thing. Once a Jehovah's witness approached me at the bus stop, to get her to leave I told her how I go to church on Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday's and she was shocked. She said, "You don't see that too often." I see it all the time. It's because I'm in that life. I see tons of young people in churches. Were not all crazy teens who need to be saved.

Saturday was a lovely day. I got to see Fred Penner. I was reminded of how cool he was. I really want to continue singing those songs with Naomi, they are fun. It was on again, off again rain that day. I got to see all my family. I miss them. We headed to the rides. Where Sarah and Chris went on the Zipper. I totally would have had a freak out on that. Never mind, I went on the Ferris wheel with Chris to use up the tickets Sarah had to buy and got so nervous from being so high. Looking around was not fun! That night we went to rock the dock for a second and sat on the beach for the fireworks. They could have been better.

The next day was gorgeous. So sunny and delightful. Hence my burn. I really didn't feel like I was burning on the beach. Then again I left the beach soon after arriving and went to see some frisnok with Jaclyn and Sean. It's a really cool game. Jaclyn says she has some poles set up in her back yard we should have a frisnok party dear! That would be barrels of fun. We headed back home and stopped at a beach on Willow Island road to take a quick swim. So nice. I like the seclusion. We then played some Frisbee with Noami and had a BBQ with Tanya and family. We took our tent down because Afi said it would rain tonight and could sleep in the camper. Next was the Alternative Folk Festival. We missed our chance to see Fred Penner again. I wonder if he does music for the older crowd? There was some good tunes. The last group played some rave music had some flashy lights, smoke, wore masks and beaks. We quickly got up out of there. Weird!

The next morning we woke up and slowly got ready, made it to Gimli just in time to see the parade while ordering some Subway. I felt bad eating while they drove by, they all wanted a bite. lol I said bye to my relatives, Benji and I headed home leaving Sarah and Mom there for the week.

On our way home Benji's parents asked if he wanted to go to Lower Fort Garry. So we joined our big church group. They are such lovely people. I had fun and it was cool to see Meghan in her work setting. I saw Neil there. I was too lazy to say hi and was contemplating just snapping a photo of him to have proof that I saw him there. Instead of being creepy, I sucked it up and said who cares if you haven't showered in four days and look like crap, It's just Neil. I poked fun at him for being at this kind of concert. Definitely would not peg him as a fan of this kind of music. lol. He was there with his sister and family. Very cute!

We then went for some ice cream at half moon. I ordered some fries and a burger. People always comment how I eat so much and have this great metabolism. But I don't! The times I eat lots it's because I'm hungry. Sometimes I order lots and don't eat it all. My gut is coming back too. I gotta start eating three meals again and eat some yogurt and apples. no more chips and fast food! *slowly drops handful of "munchies snack mix"* LOL

I was so glad to come home and shower. I'm clean now! yay! Now it's almost three i should go to bed. Why did I fall asleep for six hours after I got home a six thirty?

I'm So Sad

I haven't blogged in awhile because I haven't known what to write on the subject that has been on my mind.

My birthday is coming up in two days and I don't know what to do with myself. It will break my heart when my birthday ends and I don't hear from Twyla. It may be selfish of me to want to know she is thinking of me on my birthday, but I just do.

I am beside myself, when I think of not being her friend anymore. I told her everything. My deepest darkest secrets well maybe not. I only tell God those, but the ones right under those, the secrets you don't tell the world. She knew them. She gave me advice on guys. I'm totally going to make an ass of myself the next time I find a boy of interest. Not that I listened to all the advice. I have no will power what so ever. Give me a bag of chips, no matter how big it is, it will be gone in one sitting.

Why is she no longer my best friend you ask. Well it's her decision not mine. Apparently I have changed in the last year. I don't see it. I asked many people if I have changed and they all said yes. With that reply my eyes jumped out of my head. They soon explained it was in a good way. Example, I'm less shy now. She says I now go to bars and gossip. I have gone to 8 bars since I turned 18, I'm such a bar star! I have already discussed my gossiping issue. I know that I have a problem and I am dealing with it. So I really don't understand this. I'm still the same me. I have always been a part of gossip, I wrote the "juicy details" to Twyla, Melissa, Joyce and Tracey in letters so they never bit me in the bum before.

So, I haven't changed. But she thinks I have. Twyla also said that she could not be my friend at this time because she doesn't like the person I have become she said maybe in the future but not now. I don't know what to think of this. So I told her not to worry about it that if she wasn't willing to stick by my side through the hard times (my gossip faze) then I didn't need her in the future. I don't know what to do she's irreplaceable. So I will never have a best friend again.

I'm confused as to why she is so angry at me. Perhaps she feels she has out grown me like Ted thought he did Barney, on "How I Met Your Mother." Doesn't she know I too would walk until I reached her if she needed me, I would definitely get hit by a bus for her.

She was more than a sister to me and I will miss her dearly. I don't know if she knew how much I cared. It didn't seem like I ever gave her advice for anything and she never really cried on my shoulder. Was I a terrible friend? Did she just never need my advice because she was too smart and solved her own problems? Did she not think of me as a friend and never felt the need to tell me her fears and thoughts? I probably was too self involved and never gave her a chance to let it all out.

If by some chance Twyla you still care enough about me to check my blog, know that I am deeply sorry that I sucked as a Best Friend. You deserve better. I love and miss you.

BOo to Boston Pizza! I want to be a robot! Vanity!

So, I had fun at Boston Pizza but I hate that every time I go there it's with a big crowd. I end up not getting to converse with the people on the other end of the table. It was nice hanging out with everyone outside of work, but I'm a small group kind of person. I have great one on one conversations. Camille and I had some fun conversations about sports and other things.

Jacey was nice to point out that I wasn't saying much. I just don't do well with big groups. It was funny when Jacey said I don't shut up at work. I do talk a lot at work. I love telling people about my most embarrassing moments. You've all heard them. :) Awhile back I asked Jacey if I talk too much and he said he has gotten good at tuning people out. I felt completely unignored. :) lol

I do talk too much I need to listen more. It seems though that I ask people what's new and they say not much so if I don't talk about how I once flashed a teacher we would stand there in silence. I really try to listen to people so that at a later time I can ask them how certain things went but I really suck at it. I'm such a dude sometimes and my mind wanders. I need to work on so many things. Why couldn't we all just be born as wonderful caring people who were automatically built to do everything right. I want to be a robot so bad! LOL

Sadly I have to buy a car I don't want. Since I have no credit, I can't get one on my own I need my sisters income toward it. She won't help me pay for a truck that uses so much gas. Guess I'm buying my mom a car now and mine will have to come someday in a the far future. :( I have wanted the Sport Trac for a really long time. Sarah's so cruel.

Dudes with long nails is so nasty and creepy. I know this one guy who needs to cut them but he plays some kind of guitar and likes using his nails rather than a pick. Yes, it's just the one hand with long nails. People sure are different. He's a cool guy so I suppose his nail length doesn't really matter.

Why have I become this person of appearance? I never use to care about my looks. I didn't wear make up until 2005. Yes, all through high school I didn't care that I didn't look fabulous. I didn't even notice my weight until I was in grade 11. Not that I was sumo size or anything, I just had a bit of flub. Now I can't leave the house without putting on at least eyeliner and mascara. I go to the gym now but just to keep fit. I hated running up the stairs and feeling tired. Oh and my hair. In school was it grade 6? I was made fun of because I had knots in my hair. I was forced to have long hair and my mom would make me sit there as she would yank my hair out trying to get the knots out. I hated it, so sometimes I would pull it into a pony tail and leave for school. Now I have to wash, blow dry and straighten my hair before I leave the house. Even on a bad hair day I don't look that bad. Vanity is a silly thing.

Well I'm going to research a car that I like that's good on gas gotta go and try buy it tomorrow. Later

Bum floss, Laughter and Friends.

Bum Floss? I do not understand why girls wear thongs. They must be amazingly comfortable. For me to wear one it would have to be as amazing as a hot tub after a day on the ski hill. I saw some girl on the bus today, well maybe I just saw her thong, because that's where my eye was immediately drawn. When I tried to look away all I could see was her reflection in the window. Why blind a poor soul!? Her pants were so low when she sat that all you saw was crack. Don't people know cracks are not exciting and sexy? If you think about it what comes form there? Nasty! Hide your Cracks Girls! Modest is hottest! If you are finding it hard to find pants that aren't made to ride low, get a belt. That's what they were invented for.

I simply love How I Met Your Mother. I find myself laughing at jokes I have seen a million times. I simply love to laugh, and this show makes me laugh. I was watching Just For Laughs the other day some of the things they do on that show are hilarious. I love pranks that are done in tasteful ways. Even Punk'd was a fave for me. If you can get someone and they are able to laugh with you about it, it's priceless! I'm going to miss Jason jumping out of the darkness. He got a great jump out of me when I came down the stairs the other day. Neil will have to step up to the plate! I think what I like about being scared by Jason is his reaction he gets such a big kick out of it, really entertains him.

I'm trying to make camping plans with two of my friends from Swan. I think it will be fun. Sadly Twyla says she is all booked up. So I'm guessing she can't come. It's a go though the three of us will book it off. I haven't really hung out with Melissa and Tracey since the day I moved. Every time I come visit it's just dinner and catch up talk. We will get to actually fool around and be ourselves. I always get crazy around my high school friends. Nothing like Lily Aldren where she becomes this black woman in a white woman's body, on How I Met Your Mother, but I can be myself around them. They know everything about me, from the most embarrassing story to the most bragged about moment. They knew me before I was pretty. They know what makes me who I am and they care about me. The feeling is mutual, I would do anything for these girls.

Now Twyla if you are reading this, know that I love you just as much maybe more. You actually know me better than they, for you know me now as well. You know everything that I have gone through since high school. I have become a better person because of you and your wisdom. I love and miss you so much and am deeply saddened that I have to wait to visit you. Perhaps in Sept. or Oct. Jan. even, we can go to Assessippi or something. Love You!

I was watching the Hour today. George Stroumboulopoulos (what a name!) ( I thought Chornawka was long) is probably my new favorite person. He's funny and smart. On my new found quest to learn and be more interesting I have stumbled across him. It was easy seeing as this week is Comedy week on the hour. Tonight's guests, Howie Mandel and Carol Burnett were so funny! go to http://www.cbc.ca/thehour/ to see episodes of Russell Peters, Pauly Shore, Billy Connolly an much more.

well I better go to bed. Good night! God Bless!

Craziness!

I just read this really cool article from following Matt Damon on twitter. you can read it here and watch a video. http://gizmodo.com/5277456/stem-cell-contact-lenses-cure-blindness-in-less-than-a-month I copied a bit of it here:

Here's something that people with poor or no vision will be excited about: three patients had their sight restored in less than a month by contact lenses cultured with stem cells.

All three patients were blind in one eye. The researchers extracted stem cells from their working eyes, cultured them in contact lenses for 10 days, and gave them to the patients. Within 10 to 14 days of use, the stem cells began recolonizing and repairing the cornea.

Of the three patients, two were legally blind but can now read the big letters on an eye chart, while the third, who could previously read the top few rows of the chart, is now able to pass the vision test for a driver's license. The research team isn't getting over excited, still remaining unsure as to whether the correction will remain stable, but the fact that the three test patients have been enjoying restored sight for the last 18 months is definitely encouraging. The simplicity and low cost of the technique also means that it could be carried out in poorer countries.

Isn't that so cool and exciting. If people can use stem cells from eyes to correct eyes. There is no limit to the possibilities. Perhaps they will not need to get them from fertilized eggs for the Parkinson's cure. It's amazing what scientist discover. Can you imagine being completely blind and being able to see for the first time? Like in the movie Blind Dating he gets these glasses that allows him to see shadows, pretty cool go see the scene here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_u4ZAVslu8&feature=related Really good movie by the way, funny, there is lots of sex jokes in it though. It also starrs a lovely Indian actress. You should watch it!

Matt Damon is awesome. Smart, talented actor and funny check out his impersonation of Matthew McConaughey. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqWbxDlMo9Q&NR=1 jump to 3:59 tho hear Matt Damon.

Well. I'm a terrible person. My biggest vice has been revealed to me. I'm a gossiper. And I will not take that crap anymore. I will not get sucked in by it's evilness. I don't even mean the things that come out of my mouth I came clean to the person I talked about and apologized for my part in it. I feel terrible that it hurt her so much, she's a good person. I'm sad that it affected others, they should deal with their stuff when they are ready. Sorry. I will not say another word. If I get the urge to say anything negative about someone I'm going to stop myself, think of something I love about them and say that instead. I will out grow this childishness. Gossip eats away at your soul. I don't even understand why I do it. I didn't gossip in high school. Is it the environment? Am I trying to fit in? It's frustrating and I'm not going to let it take me over any longer.

I enjoyed the Bible study today. It goes something like this. Our Physical selves need food so we feed it whatever is around. We sometimes chose to feed it healthily. Our spiritual selves need to be fed too but it is always feeding, On everything in life that we take in; movies, pictures, songs etc. We can chose to feed our spiritual hunger with healthy things like the bible and prayer. Deep stuff!!!

I chatted with one of my oldest friends today, Tracey, I miss her. Glad she helped me decide to be real.

Well I wrote a lot of thoughtful stuff. I wonder if anyone still reads this? Am I even a bit interesting? Oh well It's my way of venting.

Good Night!