Work hurt! Jason kept laughing at me cuz on my break I took off my sock and rolled up my pant leg so my burn wouldn't hurt. Why is other peoples pain so entertaining. I have to admit my splotchy burn is pretty funny! I asked Neil if I had showed him my burn and he replied "You're burnt? That explains why you are walking funny." I cannot believe It's affecting my walk that's embarrassing.

Youth night was fun, the game I planned is not for summer it makes you too hot and sweaty. I enjoyed our discussion, I want that book. I can't believe people are still having to die for their faith in our times. I was astonished when I heard that one girl was shot at Columbine because, when asked if she believed in God she said yes. I'm not sure how I would react in that situation. I would hope that my humanly desires wouldn't get in the way of my love for God. The fear would be overwhelming, I may just deny him to feel safe again. The other story Andrea addressed from the book was about a man in the army who had different beliefs than everyone else there. They tried to break him. They made him stand out in the winter day and night in summer clothing, for many days. Every time they passed him they asked if he was going to change his beliefs yet. Each time he said no. He didn't find it cold at all, the Lord was with him. They ended up killing him we only know these from letters he wrote to his father. I am amazed by people with faith like that. Trusting in God to keep you safe. I really need to trust in him instead of being so independent. I love to control everything. That way if something goes wrong I only have myself to blame.

I guess that's why I still live at home I have to take care of everyone. I can't do it myself though. I don't need to take care of anyone. I have spent my childhood worrying about how to protect myself and my sisters. Although I failed miserably, it was stress I should never had to take on. I want to live for myself now. Have fun, be a 22 year old almost 23, not a provider for my family.

Lord give me strength in everyday things. Help me to remember that you are with me and that you are my prize after death. Protect my family and friends and I, that we may never face intense situations like these in the book. I am grateful for your love and grace. Thank you Heavenly Father. Amen.

I bought Tommy Boy, such a funny movie! and Hot Chick love that one! and How I Met Your Mother season 3 . I will bring it to work for you girls Monday. They were so upset when Dale took his copy home.

July Big Brother is coming back I cannot wait. It's the only reality show I enjoy! Veto, food comps, HOH, luxury comps, twists! SWEEEEEET!

better get ready for work later!

Ouch!

It hurts so much! I got the worst burn today, the funny thing is I was so worried about getting burnt and put tons of sunscreen on. Its splotchy. I look like I was making out in the bushes. (Jimmy if you tell anyone what we did with that plant I will kill you...hey what kinda plant was that.. I'm so itchy! lol) Anyways I was so careful to put sun block on my tattoo with a qtip before leaving the house and didn't get burnt there, there is a nice ring around it. I didn't know 15spf worked so well. I sprayed my body and thought I rubbed it to every necessary place. Jen then did my back, I told her she was putting too much on me. My back is not burnt at all. I have some places on my knee foot and stomach that are burnt. It's the worst burn ever. I know you will agree steph mine is worse!

So, I went and saw Hangover. I apologize. I was saying how I wanted to hear it was a good movie from someone who had saw it rather than a friend of a friend. It was -to quote a Simpsons character " the best movie ever!" lol Totally hilarious! I would definitely go see it again and pay full price ANYONE WANNA GO SEE IT WITH ME?

Technology has made me look like an idiot

I had a crazy day today. Decided I have to move out get my independence before It's too late. Maybe sometime round September.

Today Andrea took me out to get my mind off things! Love her! anyways. She pointed that some guy was checking me out. I knew that, but I tend to ignore guys when they do that. I don't know why. I suppose if I ever want a relationship I gotta stop doing that. I suppose I don't know how to react in that situation so I avoid it totally. Helps keep me a virgin longer! LOL. j/k I plan on staying a virgin til marriage. We watched "17 Again" tonight when Zach's character was talking about abstinence until marriage I was giving him thumbs up. I just totally made a lot of guys less interested in me. Who really gives a shit! I'm deeper than that, I want more than sex. If you can't wait til marriage why should I waste my time on you. Patience gets you everything.

Technology has made me look like an idiot tonight. At moxie's I stood in front of the bathroom door for 2minutes searching for a sensor I would swipe my hand in front of to make it open. I then realized it was a regular door. I then went to wash my hands but what I though was a automatic soap dispenser wouldn't work. I then found a plain old jane soap container and lathered up my hands under a faucet thinking this sensor was broken. I then touched the nob that I had originally thought was a soap dispenser and water began to flow. I also found myself dancing in the stall at the movie theater thinking the toilet would soon flush. Apparently not until you pushed the button. I have been cohered into thinking everything should be high tech. and top notch. I'm so silly!

Jason told me the sickest thing the other day. Supposedly Scientologist believe in eating the placenta after you have a baby. Imagine sitting down with your wife after she just pushed a baby out of her and munching down on the placenta and umbilical cord. I don't mean to bash other beliefs but if someone told me I had to do this I would switch beliefs in a flash. That's so nasty thinking of it makes me gag!

Now I better go to bed and dream of sweet placenta. Good night!

Oh, what a weekend!

Friday night we went to a fun Kristjana Concert.

I then went and did some Trivial Pursuit questions at Meghan's. Those people are too smart for me. I didn't get a single question. I'm gonna study up! Raise my IQ! Look out, here I come!

We did one 20 questions round. It was a toughie we used up way more than 20 questions and still didn't get it! Jason said he was really good at these so I gave him a shot at it. He got it in less than 20 questions. Now I've gotta think of a harder one.

Saturday I went to the car show with Andrea because lovely Dinuldy was nice enough to work for me on her time off. Thanks Again!

I got a minor burn. That 15 SPF is sweet! If I would have reapplied it I would have only tanned! I'm happy with the results seeing as I was in the sun for 5 hours.

They had a sound competition. The one car I saw had a bunch of crazy stuff going on in it's trunk. No need for a massage lazyboy, just turn up the tunes! lol

I enjoyed viewing all the pretty cars, too bad I don't have a camera. My favorite was the yellow Thunderbird followed by the yellow camaro. I see a theme. Next, was the green car but

I can't remember the name. Then the H3 was it? the orange Hummer anyhow. Then the old style one cant remember what it's called.

I ate so much! I love me them yummy hot dogs!

I got to see Tamara, love her!

My uncle one of the sound men, Is silly. He dedicated "My Girl" to my aunt. It's cute and wonderful that they still love each other after 27 years but I couldn't help but text him "Cheesy!" from across the parking lot! Love you two!

Sadly my aunt and uncle wanted to leave at 2. I was enjoying the eye candy and wanted to stay.

I can't wait for my birthday weekend! Hot Dogs, Chicken and Sunshine! ooh, That reminds me I still have to call and ask if it's okay with my grandparents if I use their yard again. I'm sure they will say yes because they absolutely adore me and Sarah. Fun, Fun!

Today at church there was this ultra yummy guy who was forced to come to church. Why can't hot guys be willing to go to church? I didn't see a ring....next Father's Day I guess. lol He drove a motorcycle I want to ride one! He reminded me of Pink's ex husband.

I got to work early and immediately began helping customers on cash. I arrived just in time to give Rhys and Katherine my discount. Jason was nice enough to let me finish my sub after one, and I went to work. Yesterday when Doug asked me to come in, he didn't say I would be in clothing. It wasn't too bad this time. Perhaps I feel more comfortable. I am always overwhelmed by the mess I find when no one is in clothing. I felt like I was cleaning all day! I rehung those Burton and DC shorts 4 times! Arg! Luckily for me Jodi and Kelsey could see the mess stressed me out and helped me hang, fold and put away. You guys rock! I always complain about rude customers who leave things in piles, Kelsey pointed out that they do so because we hang things in difficult ways. Silly us for making things look nice.

I have the worst luck! I got off at six and made Jason rush to check my bag. I then sat at the bus stop for five minutes only to realize I had lent my mom my bus pass, which she forgot to return. I then, began frantically searching for change and found none. As the bus approaches, I cringe as I pull out the bag of All Dressed chips I bought before leaving work. I should have suggested tradesies with the driver! lol I then have to walk back to work to use the phone because I forgot my cell phone on my bed this morning. While there, I realize I only know the number of two people who can come get me and the rest are in my cell phones phone book. Stupid technology for ruining my memory. I use to be able to memorize so many digits! No luck at those numbers so I decide to walk home. Jason suggests I ask for a ride or he would drive me. Thank Heavens for Kelsey, not that exercise would kill me. LOL She once again gave me a ride home. I approached my house and freak out as I search for my house key....I did have it this time.

Something silly and ironic. You think Scarlett Johansson is so hot and I think Ryan Reynolds is so hot. The ironic part is they are married. Can't they share the pretty!? lol

night all!

I'm such a slut!

I enjoyed today.

So, I called Jodi at work yesterday to see if she could take my shift on Saturday and she asked me if I took Claude home. I didn't. We both had a freak out! He's our little mascot! I thought maybe he got thrown away. Luckily Doug just put him safely in Jacey's office.

Why do guys get possession of all the cool things? I was discussing this with Kelsey. Just because they are associated with it it becomes theirs? I think not! So, I told Lisa I was going to the Car Show at Springs to spend the day with my aunt and uncle. Lisa was like "Oh , Like Dale's car show." Just because he wants to show off his car doesn't make it his! I have more claim to it seeing as my family goes to the church and my cousin is dating the pastors daughter. Does that make it mine? Come to Amber's car show! LOL. No hard feelings Dale, I'm just bitter that men get all the cool shit like cars, Nintendo, guns, belching, peeing standing up. LOL

I had an Ice Capp Supreme Chocolate Brownie. It was oh so delicious! Totally worth spending 5 minutes searching for Doug to see if he wanted anything from Tim Horton's, only to find out from Jason he was already at Tims.

Ooh, I finally watched the end of Blood Diamond. I really enjoyed it. I told Doug that if I didn't finish it today I might cry so he nicely started it from the last part I saw. Jason, sweet Jason, ruined it for me telling me who dies. Then he keeps going on about it after Doug points out how I haven't seen it before. Jason came over to me and asked if I really hadn't seen it before. Do I joke around that often that people don't believe me? Perhaps it was that Jason didn't believe Doug. lol I love my managers.

I had the best workout today. I was sweating like a horse! Sexy Sweaty though! When I sweat it's always Sexy. Even when sweat from a flu and I've got snot hanging from my nose, leaky eyes. NASTY! lol

I have one more complaint about dudes.

Why can't they keep their horniness and rudeness to themselves? Why whistle at a random stranger? I was walking to work and some jerk whistled at me. When I didn't look back at him he whistled louder then howled at me. If I wanted you to whistle at me I would have been scantily clad. Can you guess what I was wearing? Can you believe the only skin that was showing was my hands, neck, face and feet? I'm such a slut! lol Apparently dressing modestly doesn't even keep the horny pervs at bay. I understand sexual desires and thoughts, and I don't mind tasteful sex jokes, but seriously if you gotta be vulgar you might as well just keep your thoughts to yourself. I won't even acknowledge a dude who whistles at me, they aren't worth my time. Disrespecting pricks!

So, the hottest guy came into work today. We need to clone him! I don't even care if they haven't gotten the kinks out of cloning yet. They must clone this dude. I'll even take him if he had one eye! lol

See that's how you tell someone they are attractive. A nice compliment, or could that be used as a really bad pick up line? lol I'd say pick up line. Something like...... can I get my cloning machine because you have enough hotness for two. lol!

If you find some girl to be alluring, tell her she is very attractive and just walk away. You would totally brighten up our day and most definitely peak our interest in this mysterious, polite man. LOL me giving dudes advice. I have no experience in the dude department. I do know what I like though.

I like Italian! yum, getting hungry! lol

That be my cue to finish my blog. lol

night all!

Why so Mad?

Seriously what did I do?

I had a few people yell at me today.

One being a frustrated customer who I was lucky enough to not have to deal with. Otherwise I would have been so frustrated. Jodi politely explained to a woman twice why she could only get 50% of the $79.99 pair of shoes and not off the $59.99 price she originally paid. Do people really not understand that sales end, prices change and ads can't overlap? Why has everyone become so cheap? You come to adjust your bill for the bogo 50 and you still want more money off! Gees!

My sister yelled at me twice. What did I do? I told her I was going to the gym and she told me not to for some crazy reason. Then, she told me to run to the bus. Attitude issues.

and Twyla. I don't get it! I can't believe she missed my apologies. I specifically remember texting sorry. I said something like I don't know what else I can do other than say I'm sorry. I can't believe she would think I would not apologize. I said I felt terrible for making her so upset. She also yelled (in a text by the way) that she is mad that I would avoid her until the bitterness rolled over. I meant on my part. I really don't agree with her frustration on this matter. I was being wise and not saying anything so that I wouldn't make nasty hurtful comments. Twyla hun, if you are reading this and have missed all my apologies. I am so very sorry! I don't want to hurt your feelings in anyway but I tend to hurt the people I care about unintentionally. You are an amazing friend and I don't want to lose you. If you for some reason still hate me, then fine. Thanks for the many great years. You are a wonderful person, may you and Ryan live happily ever after. God Bless.

Then me, I'm frustrated with all this. I hate being angry!

Yesterday I had a conversation with my dad he began talking about how what provoked him to harm his children. How he wanted to ruin my mom's life, how he wanted to die in jail. Firstly dieing in prison would have been too easy.

Well, he succeeded, my mom's life as she knew it, ruined. He tore her to pieces along with three innocent children. She is not confident in anything she does, even though she is amazing at everything she does. She blames herself for everything. She has no blame and is completely forgiven of any sin she has committed.

Anger is an ugly thing that can consume a person. I can't believe the things it drives people to do. That's why I wait for my bitter feelings to pass.

I use to think I was a tough cookie. If something happy doesn't happen soon in my life and someone I love is hurt again, I might crash and burn. Lord Help Me!

You tell me to smile.... I hate it. It's hard to smile when you have suffered from so much pain. Tell me a joke... I will laugh. It takes my mind off of life.

Welcome to my torture chamber.

Interesting thoughts and things of the day.

Today was oh so long! I had some nice customers today no angry bitter ones. Yay! One lady asked for my advice on crocs sandals and bought six different styles. I didn't know I could sell something I found to be so ugly!

Yes, I know I just broke down and bought a pair, but it was because of my laziness. I wanted a shoe I could wear at work that was just a slip on. I was looking for ultimate comfort and everyone told me I would find it in crocs. Sadly they are no good! My heels were killing me after an 8 hour shift! So, I wasted money because I will not wear them in public. Which is kind of funny because my slip on wool shoes are probably considered, by some people to be equally as ugly as crocs. I love them though. They scream "I'm comfortable!" (not too sure how they would feel after 8 hours of being on my feet) People always think they are slippers. They are shoes, the soles have rubbed off after many years of being worn. Gotta find me some new ones!

I was telling Camille how a test I did on facebook said I was 77% lazy. I said I thought it was accurate. Now that I think of it, it's not that I'm lazy it's just that I love sleep so much.

I missed the gym again today. Neil told me he heard it takes 3 years for something to become routine. I'm not sure if I can force myself to go for that long, too bad a routine couldn't happen more quickly. I do like the gym when I go about 4 times a week I feel so energized. If I don't I ache for days!

The weather is so pleasant. I love Summer! What is the point of other seasons? I could run around all day in my bikini. oh, that reminds me I'm the coolest person in he world. I changed three times today in the pop room and didn't get caught! lol lucky me!

I have been so bored lately! I need someone to spend time with. Even if we did absolutely nothing together. It's better than doing absolutely nothing alone. I really screwed up every chance I had with guys who liked me. I'm really good at making them go away. I would totally date any of them now if they were interested. Now I sound desperate! lol I meant because they are all good and amazing guys. Too bad I had a need to push good things away and couldn't just enjoy the moment. I'm ready now though, to be real with someone. I'm no longer trying to impress anyone but God. I want to give the best of me in everything I do. I want to truly open myself to life.

well sleep is calling me yay! I'm coming! lol

My First visit to the Zoo!

I enjoyed seeing the Lords artwork in the flesh.

The birds were stinky! Some were really pretty. I love monkey's they are the coolest of all animals especially the tiny ones. Super Cute! Owls were adorable too.

The zoo is definatley something I would do with my niece.

One thing I wondered when came across the camel was if they stayed outside during the winter. So here is my research. The Bactrian camel grows a thick coat of hair each winter. That coat of hair falls off every spring. This is to deal with the extreme variation of temperature in the Gobi desert where summer highs often top 100 degrees Fahrenheit, and winter months can see significant amounts of snow. I got this information here: http://www.thehatchreport.com/information/camel-one-two-hump.html There is 2 types of camels the other do no have long coats.

my other camel question is about it's hump. I know it its full of fat but why is it fallen over? i guess this sort of answers it. So, what is the role of the camel's hump? Unfortunately the answer is relatively dull - it appears that the humps are merely food reserves, and the fat and flesh contained within are absorbed as nutrition when food is scarce. I found this here: http://www.djur.cob.lu.se/Djurartiklar/Kamel.html Apparently the camels there are well fed! lol

Next flamingos, Why are some white and why do they stand on one leg. This is stuff I should have researched as a kid! Maybe I would have been smarter! LOL Flamingos often stand on one leg. The reason for this behavior is not fully known. A leg is tucked beneath the body, because the flamingo like some other animals has the ability to have half of its body go into a state of sleep, and when one side is rested, the flamingo will swap leg and then let the other half sleep,^[4] but this has not been proven. It is often suggested that this is done in part to keep the legs from getting wet, in addition to conserving energy. As well as standing in the water, flamingos may stamp their webbed feet in the mud to stir up food from the bottom.

Young flamingos hatch with grey plumage, but adults range from light pink to bright red due to aqueous bacteria and beta carotene obtained from their food supply. A well-fed, healthy flamingo is more vibrantly coloured and thus a more desirable mate. A white or pale flamingo, however, is usually unhealthy or malnourished. Captive flamingos are a notable exception; many turn a pale pink as they are not fed carotene at levels comparable to the wild. This is changing as more zoos begin to add prawns and other supplements to the diets of their flamingos

Found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flamingo#Appearance

I Love all of the big Cats Lions, Tigers, Cheetahs and Jaguars they are so pretty! I only saw a cheetah and a tiger by the way!

It was a nice way to spend the day. Thanks Andrea for the Idea and all that you do and all that you did for me and my family today. I love you! You deserve to be Blessed with Eternal Happiness! Thank the Lord for you!

The cool kid?

Tonight we were laughing at some guy who was randomly dancing to the music at the Ex while walking.

Really I say, "You do your thing." If you are having fun who cares what you look like. DORK! lol

I like to grove to the music every now and then. Tonight I was jiving in my chair. Not a single human can resist the urge to move along to the sound of "Celebration" by Kool and the gang.

I'm annoyed of feeling I have to do things this way or act like this to be normal. I want to be easy to spot like Chris was tonight in his "Kobe Bryant" Lakers jersey. Carnies were trying to get him to come play some games.

Oh, after we laughed about that guy Alex, lovely Alex, who doesn't care what anyone thinks of him walks up and gets his grove on. It's really hard trying to pretend you don't know him when you can't help cracking up. He is a different case though, he likes to be the center of attention. Ryan's girlfriend just met him and said he should be in musicals. Good thing he thought of that ages ago.

I'm going to try and be more comfortable with myself. I'm in it for a good time. Dorkiness is cool!

If you like something wear it!

ooh, yay me! I looked like an odd ball tonight! I had on my celery green crocs to go with my red coke belt and my yellow umbrella. I love my new umbrella, dang How I Met Your Mother and that yellow umbrella. LOL

So, Lesson, Be the cool kid! The one that you know is having fun! Get comfortable we will love you more.

The mind is incredible

The mind is an incredible thing. I have always been in awe of how the brain works. I find it amazing that your mind is always thinking. Well mine is anyhow. I've heard that men can literally sit and not think of a single thing. That would come in handy sometimes. LOL. I always find my mind wandering somewhere.

I like how we can concentrate on one thing but be conscious of another. I can read a book while singing along to the radio. God was a smart cookie to make us capable of that.

It's too bad that I can't ever concentrate on the important things in life, like reading the Bible and worshiping. I find it easy to concentrate on a good movie. We were watching The Heart Break Kid on lunch yesterday and I was so engulfed in the movie that when and a tomato fell out of my sub it made me jump about a half a mile. (or at least that is what it felt like to me, no one around me seemed to react so it probably was 2 centimeters.)

The other day Dale was saying how he couldn't sleep the night before how he was just thinking of things. Moments later while helping a customer I was thinking about this and how I think the mind works most efficiently just before bed. Back to helping the customer, because I was thinking of sleeping I told the lady to have a nice night it wasn't even lunch yet. LOL.

I do think the mind works its hardest just before bed, that's why you should read your Bible or study before bed so that you remember it.

SCRATCH THAT!

Well, I just researched it, and I no longer think the mind is working its ass off before bed. I now believe that on days when you want to sleep and can't its because you ate heavy foods, listened to loud music, watched a horror movie or something like that, before bed. These things keep your mind alert and intrigued.

Don't over think things! The mind will make you get carried away.

Getting over things 101

This morning I was saying how I was upset about my over reacting friend, so I'll tell you how I got over it.

First: I poured my thoughts out to everyone so I could hear their point of view. By the way, they all agree with me that she was being silly. Venting helped!

Second: Don't be alone, you tend to dwell on things then. I was working in golf today and I was getting so bummed. I constantly find myself dwelling on the fact that I'm still single. When this does happen I have decided to tell myself this: "You are a catch the guys that you have showed interest in are just blind." So, change your thought pattern. People also help lighten the mood. It was easy to joke around with people today.

Thirdly: Remember that everyone is human and they make mistakes, not everyone can bite their tongue.

Now my mind is saying it's bed time.

Good Night!

I wonder what my incredible mind will have me blog about next.

stay tuned. lol

I'm a terrible person.

Apparently my best friend is mad at me. I don't even know how to react. I'm a people pleaser so I usually do what other people want. I've never hurt anyone like this before. It's breaking my heart!

How did I hurt this friend you ask? Well, I opted not to join her for her birthday. She throws a party every year. First was pirate themed followed by carnival and was the last one under the sea?

Anyhow they were always fun.

This year I decided I did not want to go, seeing as I can't afford to. I plan on buying a truck and bus fair would subtract from my fund. I also wanted to stick around for the car wash at my church that I have missed every year for her. I guess It's selfish wanting to go bowling with my co-workers. She actually said, "I can't believe you chose people you may only know for five years over me who you will know for the rest of your life."

Apparently she couldn't tell me these thoughts before her birthday when I told her I couldn't come. If she truly knew me she would know I prefer honesty, we could have discussed it. Had I known this was her big final bash and that she only planned it and spent so much money on it for me, I would have went. I only went the previous years to enjoy her company. The parties were okay but I enjoyed going swimming with her and camping, the stuff before and after the party. We had great conversations, and the quiet times, I enjoyed getting to see her everyday for a week. That's why I went. Sadly I missed the best out of all her parties.

I'm such a mean friend. I haven't even bought her a gift yet. She's hard to buy for.

So I don't know what to say to her, I love her to death. I don't like hurting her feelings. Why have I become so selfish? This will bug me until I figure out what to say to her. Hopefully she can forgive me.

If you have any thoughts please comment. Perhaps you can give me the words to say.

Inside my tiny head.

Why does everything have to be a battle in life?

I can't decide anything.

I have all these things I like and dislike at the same time.

I like dogs they are cute and great companions, but I don't like their stench and that they slobber or bark. I want a dog but not the responsibility. What am I twelve? LOL I guess having been scared of Dogs for most of my childhood forced me to skip the responsibility test all children should receive.

I like kids, they are cute. I enjoy seeing a mind grow into an intelligent being. It's fun seeing the light bulb go on when Naomi learns something I just taught her. I dislike that kids are such handfuls. Personally I think all children deserve a firm hand when they get out of line. I turned out just fine. Kids these days are so spoiled and don't respect their parents. What I hate most about kids is the thought of me bring one into the world and not being able to protect them from the things of this world.

I like to eat (as I mentioned a few times already! LOL) Food is so satisfying. The weight you gain, not so pleasant.

I'm a terrible person thinking of myself and these tiny matters, when people are facing mountainous ones.

Addictions, Hunger, War, Death.

I have never really faced any of these first hand.

People around me have had addictions and their lives were ruined by these habits. These addictions have harmed me, but now I am much stronger because of them.

There were a few times growing up when there wasn't much food around the house but we still ate. I'm sure the addictions expense helped subtract from you grocery budget.

I know some people in the military. They have been blessed to still be alive.

Death, how can I have lived 22 years and have not had someone I love die? Now that my family may be reading this, they think, "What about Grandpa?" The truth is I didn't shed a tear for him. I saw my dad cry and it broke my heart to see him in anguish so I cried for him. I guess I never really loved my grandpa something kept me at bay, unable to connect to him. I now know that it was because he was a bad man. The only other funeral I remember crying for was my uncle Virgil's. I never knew him well. I once again cried because I could see my cousins falling to pieces. I feel like saying that I never want to cry at someones funeral, but I do. I want to know that I opened myself to love enough and truly cared about someone.

My whole life I have been protecting myself in fear of being hurt. How else are you suppose to move on, when at a young age someone you trust with all you heart hurts you? I find myself pushing my mom away because I know she loves me so much. Why is this? I know she will never hurt me. Is it that I don't want to hurt her? Sometimes I fear the evil that haunted me as a kid will return. After all, everyone is human, addictions can haunt a person again. I will not be able to trust this person again. I need strength to forgive and to trust people again.

I have not faced some of the large battles in life that are out there but for me being a victim of child molestation is a battle I will be fighting for the rest of my life. I pray that any victims out there know that they are not alone, and that there is a way out. May the Lord provide them with the escape from their hell.

I know some of you are thinking, "I can't believe she put this online for millions to read!" That is exactly why I posted it online. Hopefully it helps someone going through the same struggles or helps a child get out of their situation.

Why?!

I keep having discussions with my cousin and others about Christianity. They say things like "The Bible is just a story". They ask me if I believe in evolution, or how do I know what I believe is the truth. I am going to talk it out for my benefit because when asked these questions I draw a blank. I want to be sure and confident about my beliefs.

Why do I believe.

Is it just that I was told this in church and since my family said it was true I believed them?

I hope not! I don't think I could believe in anything else. Christianity just makes the most sense. Do you really think we evolved from apes? Sure some days I look dirty and ape like but seriously! It's a beautiful thing being one of God's children created uniquely for his purpose. It would be insane to say that I am just a smart version of the monkey.

Perhaps I believe because it makes me feel good knowing I will not just die, that there is an afterlife. I do like KNOWING this! I must believe. I couldn't type the word thinking, because in my heart I know. Did you know that everyone who uses the calendar is admitting that the Bible is factual!? Every day is because of Jesus. How do they say it? A.D. and B.C. that stands for after death and before Christ.

In the Bible where Jesus' tomb is found empty a woman tells everyone the news. If it were a story and they were trying to make it believable to their key audience they would have wrote a man found the tomb empty. In that time women were not respected so what they would say would be unreliable. Because the books of the bible were written by people who experienced these incidences they wrote them as factual.

To me Christianity is real. There are so many miracles that prove his love and existence. I go to church and when I am surround in his Jesus' presence there is no denying the Lord is real. He is there to help you with everything in life and will always be there when you need him even if you don't want him around he is waiting for you to accept his love. With a love like that how can I say "No, I don't accept your love." I love the joy that washes over me when I hear of something amazing God does. Like people having huge tumors that look mountainous and after prayer and a return to the doctor the tumor is completely gone! How can that be? Only someone truly great can make that possible! OR when a couple is told their child is going to be born with many complications and possibly die soon after birth and because they knew God was bigger than any problem, they had the child, who is now 14 and has been healthy since the moment of birth.

The Lord's love is amazing how can I deny the truth?

I'm glad I reassured myself!

I love Sport Chek! 347 anyways!

We seriously have the coolest employees!

Tonight we went bowling. I think Dale wiped the floor clean with everyone. I use to think that bowling was all luck, but with a score of 180 there must be skills involved. Lisa showed her stuff winning the first round. We enjoyed the silly ways to bowl, but I personally love regular bowling so much more. I want to go bowling more often to improve my skills. There is only one move I can always plan and that's when the right handed pin is the only one standing. I always get it, even when I held Camille's hand. LOL those were silly! I found the push the ball with your foot one to be easy, backwards between the leg was alright but hopping was hard even harder was laying on the stomach.

I'm glad we do Fun Squad events. No other job could be more fun! I can't wait for baseball! I should join Jodi at the batting cage, bring my batting abilities from a 1 to at least a 3.

That reminds me! I want to take up rock climbing, and go to car shows, and take dance lessons. Make my life a bit more interesting!

I hope I work with all these people for sometime to come. They are all barrels of fun! I missed the people who couldn't come too. Too bad!

I love BP's great atmosphere but everyone was so far away form each other. My side of the table was so tired. They all looked to be having so much fun over there. I was ready to crash upon arrival, luckily Chrissy gave me a ride home pretty early. Hope everyone had just as much fun if not more than I did.

Sport Chek 347 Rocks!

Jodi Buller

I usually write bitter comments here but I just have to rave about Jodi!

She is so great. Jodi is a kind, loving, one of a kind girl.

The other day I was bummed at work because everyone was being so negative and in a bad mood. I was being sucked into the wormhole of bad moods. Jodi being the awesome person she is said, "I'm not in a bad mood, I will have in you a good mood by the end of the day!" She kept cracking jokes and was cheery. Sure enough five 'o clock rolls around and I cracked jokes with Jason as he left.

We need more Jodi's around. There is no point in going around sulking and complaining. Enjoy every moment in life and try to lift peoples spirits.

Thank you for the new out look on life. I love ya Jodi!

There is good t.v. out there.

In the last while I have introduced my co-workers to two of the greatest t.v. shows around. They literally have never seen them before. "How I Met Your Mother" and "Scrubs" If you have not heard of these 2 shows watch them now! Well, not until after you read this!

"How I Met Your Mother" is the story of how Ted Moseby meets his wife. Well we haven't met her yet. Personally I hope he tells this story for at least 10 seasons! We also get to explore the lives of Ted's closest friends. We see the highs and lows of Lily and Marshal's relationship. Robin always talks "aboot" Canada and her adventures growing up there. Then there is Barney, lovely Barney (played by Neil Patrick Harris) who is the ultimate Ladies Man. We get to see all his crazy ways to impress a chick and how he gets out of these situations.

Were you the lost person standing around the water cooler, clueless when people made references to "Friends"? Don't be that person again by missing this generations version of the show "How I Met Your Mother". It is laugh out loud funny. With Barney's "legendary" moments you are guaranteed a good half hour of comedy. The cast has such great chemistry you will fall in love with each character. Tune in ASAP. If you know me well I own the 1st and 2nd season, and will lend it out.

"Scrubs" Is the best hospital comedy ever! JD is the center of the show. We get to experience his Bromance with Turk "...It's Guy love between two guys..." lol. We get to see his Mentor Doctor Cox (the hard ass) push him to be his best while calling him girl names. JD tackles his relationship with Elliot. JD also gets tormented but the Janitor, It's all because of that penny! We also meet characters like Todd the high fiving banana hammock man. This is not the best review but once you see one episode you will be hooked! Seriously! I have the 1st season too!

I am sick of reality t.v. shows. I don't want to see someone frying a rat because it's the only thing the could find to eat on "Survivor". I don't care that an actor is learning how to dance. Seriously go back to the old way of creating stars. Stop forcing them into the lime light when they are so amateur. I don't need to hear bad versions of "She Bangs" or see people slaughter the tango on "So You Think You Can Dance".

Bring back the wholesome family shows like "Full House", "7th Heaven", "Family Matters", "The Cosby Show" Give us some more pee your self laughing shows like "Friends", "Frasier", "Cheers", "The Class" Let us experience some more Drama's like "Grey's Anatomy", "C.S.I.", "Superman", "Supernatural"

NO MORE REALITY!

A Very Healthy Appetite

Tonight we were discussing how much I eat. I'm a girl who likes to eat. Now you all think my profile pic is fake and that I weigh 300 lbs. No, that's me. I just have a good metabolism. I love food, it's God's gift to us! I ordered way to much food tonight. I got an order of wings (10) and some poutine and 2 smoothies. Yummy! I wasn't able to finish it because I had eaten 2 short hours ago.

I don't see this as a problem. If some dude is turned off by how much I eat it's their loss! Better than starving myself or forcing myself to puke. My sister says I am an expensive date. Hopefully she keeps bringing that one day up because she has nothing else to bug me about. I cost her 50 dollars when she paid for me once. Hey we were at Tony Roma's its not really a cheap date kind of place. Besides, I ordered a meal for the next days lunch.

It shouldn't be a problem anyhow because I am extremely independent. If a guy doesn't want to pay for my meal because I actually eat then I will foot the bill.

Be ready for me boys, I'm a girl and I like to eat!

Thieves

Is it me or have crooks gotten to be less smart? I always watch these shows where the criminals are masterminds, and almost get away with their offences.

Recently some Lady tried to steal from my work and walked out with $300 dollars worth of stuff. She wasn't skilled enough to get all the security tags off and spent at least an hour walking in our store. Luckily we were suspicious having offered to put the clothes up at cash. She said "No, that, her brothers were coming to try these on." We had a guy follow her around and when she strolled out of our store and the alarms went off. One of our sales guys asked her if she was going to pay for these items. She began to speed walk out our lobby and he picked up his pace standing right behind her. She than bolted. Meanwhile one of my managers who was about to check the price of the bat dropped the item and ran outside as well. It was like a cartoon watching them run around the parking lot. Finally she gave up realizing she was no Donovan Bailey and handed them the clothes. Then she stuck around our parking lot. I guess her get away car was suppose to come. Eventually she ran across the street to the mall.

If your going to choose thievery as a career then make sure you can get in and out without seeming suspicious. Get all the security tags off and don't be a slow runner.

At a gas station my sisters boyfriend works at two kids came in wearing ski masks and asked for money and smokes. They were told that he didn't have access to the cash but he would give them cigarettes. First of all everyone knows you need an employee who can at least access the cash register at all times working. How else do customers pay?! They said that was fine. Once they were asked which brands they would like they slowly named some off, pausing looking at each other. They walked off with 16 packs of smokes.

Can you seriously be that dense and unprepared. Know what you want. gees.

From all this talk it makes me sound like a criminal. I could never steal. That's one of the commandments in the Bible.

I'm sick of this world. Do people not have respect for anyone or anything anymore? Stop stealing from people. Do on to others as you want done on to you!

This sounds fun!

So I stumbled upon this blogging idea and thought, this would be a great way to get my frustrations out. I know a paper and pen are more private but I thought that if someone stumbled across my page they could maybe learn from my mistakes or relate to my heartaches. I love writing so this will be fun.

So I recently cut my hair. Finally! My loving sister got around to it. It was such a hassle to get it done though. She had to stay a half hour after her shift for me to get there. I took a shorter break, gave someone my pin number so they could get me taxi money and still got there late. Now it's done and I can wait 2 months at least before I start to look dingy again.

I'm a Christian girl which until recently to me meant that I went to church three times a week, loved Jesus, didn't drink or do drugs. Well thanks to God that all changed, I now have this desire to know him. We had this youth retreat and the Lord's presence filled the room, everyone felt him. I was almost filled with the Holy Ghost but I got distracted. I'm easily distracted. There was this warm feeling that came over me but soon my arms got sore and I wanted to listen to people worshiping around me. The second day I tried to get to this point again but I got frustrated, and gave up. I still don't understand why it's such hard work. If it's a free gift why am I not receiving it? Am I not ready? A week later on Sunday our Pastor spoke again on the subject and we had an amazing altar call that could have gone on forever. (for Steph at least) Did I forget to mention that the night at the Youth Retreat our speaker spoke for 15 minutes and we stood there in Jesus' presence for 3 hours. We didn't even notice that time flew by so quickly. How amazing is that?! During this altar call I once again let my human side get in the way of me receiving the Holy Ghost. I could tell you every single person who came to pray with me. Can you say easily distracted! So I gave up in frustration. Then for once I didn't work Sunday night and could attend waves with my friends, and what would you guess he's speaking about. You guessed it. I once again got rapped up in me and have not received the Holy Ghost yet. What is wrong with me? I hate this! In due time I guess.

Guys I don't understand them. You like them they like you back yet they run to the hills. Why are the good guys taken or gay? I did say good, I don't even care if they are hot. I just want a respectful good guy. I have some creepers who wont leave me alone. Sure they are nice but they think I like them and I don't even flirt with them. oh I guess the guy I want can't only be a respectful guy he's gotta be equal to or smarter than I. I dislike having to fill someone in or correct them. I'm not too bright so I ain't asking for much. Ooh! A sense of humor need one of those. I like to joke around and listen to comedians and watch sitcoms. Is that too much to ask for?

I have many more topics to talk about, but I should save them for another time. I was right this is a fun way to get all my thoughts out. Can't wait until my next blog!