*sigh*

I'm in a rut. I don't know what to do. I love work, and my church life. I just feel like my life is pointless. I go to work just to pass time. I told Camille the other day that I kind of just wanted to work til close after my 8 hr shift. I said it was because it was in between the laziness of just going home and sleeping and the energy waster the gym would be. Really it would be just to keep myself busy.

Sadly I go to church and feel nothing, numbness. I just sit through the service waiting for it to be over. I use to text to make time pass during the service but lately I have been trying to pay attention. I even just sing along to the worship songs, not getting into it. What is wrong with me? I made some posts about my beliefs. How can I say these things when my heart isn't in it?

I hope I can get over this slump before my birthday. I don't want to live everyday having bad days.

I like work because everyone is so funny and amazing, but because I don't know what is wrong with me I have bad days.

What is wrong with me? How come church is routine for me? Why can't I read my Bible everyday? Why don't I completely trust in God for the little things? Why don't I pray more often? Why do I continue to sin? I'm not worthy of God's love but he loves all his children. Why can't I fathom how much he loves me? Why do I push him away? I wish I could give over control to him.

I wish I could have this crazy epiphany, and suddenly know my beliefs were correct. I want to all of sudden not have any reason not to pray and read. I want to hunger to know the Lord more.

Sorry my blogs have been less entertaining lately. I'm just not in the mood lately.

If you have any answers for my post them on my facebook page or talk to me in person. I appreciate your knowledge.