I want to be this complete and utterly strong woman. I may seem like this type of person, but that's just because that's what I want you to see. Only people really close to me know how tiny and weak I feel. Recently it has gotten worse. I didn't know how much I wanted and needed someone to rely on until they were gone.

I have heard people tell me I am strong and kind, for being so young and supporting my mom. I am weak, and the only reason I am able to wake up every morning is because I have God on my side. He is the firm rock beneath my feet. I would much rather crawl back under the covers than go to a job to make money and to watch it disappear.

I finally decided to do something for myself. I am buying a house and moving out. I believe it's a wise choice. How can I really be sure though? Is this the road I am suppose to be headed down? I like the thought of not having my mom call me at 11:50 to see if I needed to be picked up because it's late. I LOVE the thought of not having my sister come home after I have fallen asleep only to have loud conversations and wake me up. It's scary though, owning my own house so much responsibility. I will be alone, I will come home to no one.

I have a terrible addiction

Recently I have fallen back to my old ways. I had tried to give up this habit a few times. I had cut down for awhile there but it has gotten bad again. This one addiction doesn't go along with my love affair very well. I need to work harder on new habits if this one intensifies any, or even remains at this level. It isn't really that harmful, but it, isn't the best thing for me.

I could be doing more important things with my time like, reading the bible, praying, hanging out with friends, blogging. I could be trying to learn a language. Note to self: learn Spanish or French and Sign language. I could improve my cooking skills or start writing again, or drawing. I use to love these things. This addiction is sucking the fun and life out of me.

My addiction is Television. I could sit there for hours and just watch Television. This new creation called the pvr is going to ruin me. My other two loves in life are food and sleep. I have found since I have gotten this new pvr, I do a lot of sleeping and I continue to eat the same as before but, I skip the gym.

I am lazy!

How can this be? How could things have changed so quickly? I remember telling Alex that I couldn't sit around watching television that I needed to be with people because it was boring and I got anxious. I now record lots of tv shows and just come home to watch them.

I record Friends, Scrubs, Grey's Anatomy, Ten things i hate about you, veronica mars, the big bang theory, seinfeld, criminal minds, how I met your mother, and many more that are just mind numbing shows.

I need to cut back on this addiction or I will become this sloth like character.