I feel so alone

                I don't know what to do or say anymore. I feel like I have reverted to the child I once was. 
                As a child I was very scared. I tried to protect myself and my siblings. I had no power to do so, what-so-ever. I hid, I set up traps like the ones Macaulay Culkin's character built in the home alone series to create some kind of security. Oddly I had some strength in me in a situation where I should have crumbled. My sisters and I survived.
                Recently I felt that fear that once haunted my every day growing up. It came on like a bad virus. I can't be alone anymore. I set up traps again so I could sleep at night. I would stay up texting people until I was extremely exhausted because I was scared to let my guard down. 
                I hate this fear, it's looming over me like an umbrella. It stops the raindrops of joy that life has to offer sprinkle it's sweetness over me.  
               I'm tired, not literally but emotionally and mentally. I don't want to fear anymore. I don't want to have to be strong anymore. I want to have someone to protect me. I don't want to feel like it's me against the world anymore.