I once prayed that God Would help me to hate sexual sin. In my personal opinion sex outside of marriage is sin. I also believe that thinking or imagining sex is a sin. "I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28
A verse that is locked into my memory is "No temptation[c] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted[d] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,[e] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13 God gave me several ways out of this situation. I should have ended the video many times.
Why do I give in so easily? I could use the excuse that I am so messed up from my childhood. That's all i would see it as though, an excuse. I hate excuses. People need to own up to their decisions. If I was so corrupted from my past, I would have watched my first pornographic video years ago. I made these choices on my own.
"This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. Whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God." John 3:19-21 I don't want to hide, ever! I don't see the point of keeping my sins secret from anyone. The only one I care about knowing, the one I want to impress and do good things for, He already knows I have sinned.
Not telling people about this sin is me letting myself commit this sin again. I can tell myself that I wont do this again. Lord help me, is what I ask. Unfortunately, I need to see the repercussions of my actions. Think of it like this.... a pup chews your shoe, if you wait ten minutes to scold him he is not going to understand you were trying to correct his shoe munching habits. If you were to teach him immediately, he will have a better chance of learning. I tend to not think of the consequences of my actions until after I have slipped into sin. That is why I need accountability partners. These people can remind me of why It's a sin. They can grab me and give me a good shake if needed. They help me live in the light.
Sometimes I think to myself, God can perform miracles, he can cause me to never make that mistake again, he can break this for me. In deed he can, but Jesus said to the adulteress woman, “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” John 8:11 We need to put in some work, we can't just wait. The Lord cleansed us of our sins but we have to turn from that sin. Making choices and putting plans into place to prevent ourselves from committing this sin again shows faith and dedication.
I do hate this sin, it makes me feel dirty and unworthy of God's love. I then let the devil feed me off those thoughts. He tells me I am never going to be good enough. He says I will never be free of this sin. He tells me I am disgusting.
I need to remind myself that I am not disgusting. I am human, these desires are natural, God given even. God wants us to enjoy these things. God know the healthiest ways to enjoy these desires. We need to trust that when it is time we will experience these joys and please him at the same time.
Still I pray, Lord help me to hate this sin, take this image out of my head so that it doesn't haunt me or infect my thoughts again. Purify my heart, mind, body and soul. May my mind be filled with thoughts that please you. Lord be my strength when I am tempted. You know what is right, fill my heart with the desire of those things. In Jesus' name, Amen
Sin is like a horrible computer virus, it comes unexpectedly and can take over everything. God is the ultimate anti-virus protection.
All this computer lingo reminds me that I need to find a program that blocks pornographic sites on my computer.
I am stepping out in faith, showing God that I am dedicated. I want to so the work it takes to clean my life of this filth. I believe I will be able to experience the desires of my heart, if I just trust in him. "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:3-4
God has planned a perfect time for everything. "There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace." Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 I plan on slowing down and being patient. It's going to be a tough road ahead. I can do it. Keep me in your prayers.
