Just when things seem to be going good or rather ok, I have a dumb day that reminds me that no, everything is not ok. Today was a brutal reminder, an avalanche after you've been stranded on a mountain for a week.
Let me dial things back a bit, okay maybe 15-20 years back.... Growing up we didn't really have much, but being a child you could be creative and and not let it bug you so much. I was never sure how financially poor we were, I just knew we didn't get the same cool lunch treats as other kids or that we were sponsored to be able to go to camp. I never complained when I had to wear hand-me-downs from our cousin, I mean she had great taste. These things did however, make me decide I didn't want to live like that.
Jump ahead, I got a job at Subway when I graduated. Unfortunately I had the mindset that I couldn't go to college because I'd never be able to afford such a thing. I'm not sure where the negativity in my head has come from. Eventually I got a job as a line cook and thought one day I'd be a chef, that lasted a month as I was fired. (They gave me a lame reason) another blow to my already deflated ego. I continued at Subway thinking I could not do much better. Eventually, I did quit, as I had been promised a management position and my boss gave it to someone else.
One day, I wandered into Sport Chek, a job that would end up teaching me a lot and shaping me into the hardworking person I am today. While at Sport Chek, I was able to buy a house just before my 24th birthday, I felt blessed! Like every job, it had its ups and downs I mean, and this is a reference current chekers will understand, I was new girl, for a very long time. I made so many simple mistakes, but I was determined to do better. I did of course, became head cashier jumped around the store as merchandiser back to head cashier and Sales Support Coordinator. Sadly that's as high on the Chek ladder that I could see myself going. I didn't want to manage a department like clothing as my position allowed me to dabble in management and the lazy new 16 year olds just frustrated me. I didn't need or want the stress of raising someone else's children.
This brings me to my current job which came as a complete surprise to me. I couldn't have imagined a job where I'd work for and with such awesome people. I have great hours and make more than I did at the Chek. Things were going good and I thought it was about time to buy a car. Remember that I am Miss negativity, I never thought I'd buy a house and I never thought I could own a car. Things were looking good and I was feeling pretty great.
Then that avalanche hit. What was I thinking? Why did I think I could be better and have better than I did in my childhood? Why did I for some reason think I deserved to have these blessings?
You ask, why the mental breakdown? Well today was a rough day. I went into work and realized I've made all these mistakes, but I didn't let it get to me and said to myself, "I will do better!" The end of the day couldn't have come soon enough and I had this bright idea to run home instead of bussing, so I left my purse at work changed into my workout clothes and I was off! For about 15 minutes I felt pretty great! I soon got tired and began walking and tried jogging every so often. If you don't already know this about me, I don't workout very often but I'm wanting to get back into it. Suddenly, I could feel my feet tingling, I'm not sure what that means but it freaked me out! At that point I was ready to give up but the bus stop route next to me was done for the night, I trudged on. I took a break at a bus stop that would take me closer to home and was happy to see it was just down the street. As I reached for my bus pass, I found that I had lost it along with my debit card. Lululemon, you failed me! I thanked the driver for stopping and told him I lost my pass but he told me to get on the bus and gave me a transfer as well, I'm extremely grateful for his kindness. Once I got off the bus I found that the transferring bus did not come for quite some time so I kept walking. Meanwhile I began to beat myself up about losing my bus pass. In my head I began adding things like "Just throwing money away, no wonder you're struggling financially." Let's just say it was not a fun walk home.
Today was a rough day. I can't seem to get ahead ever, maybe it's because I mentally think I don't deserve to. Maybe it's because I don't have enough faith. It seems when I try to better myself by getting in shape and eating right, by reading my bible and praying more or trying to get ahead of my financial struggles, I get no where. I'm a salmon swimming against the current.
Today was a rough day.
Let me dial things back a bit, okay maybe 15-20 years back.... Growing up we didn't really have much, but being a child you could be creative and and not let it bug you so much. I was never sure how financially poor we were, I just knew we didn't get the same cool lunch treats as other kids or that we were sponsored to be able to go to camp. I never complained when I had to wear hand-me-downs from our cousin, I mean she had great taste. These things did however, make me decide I didn't want to live like that.
Jump ahead, I got a job at Subway when I graduated. Unfortunately I had the mindset that I couldn't go to college because I'd never be able to afford such a thing. I'm not sure where the negativity in my head has come from. Eventually I got a job as a line cook and thought one day I'd be a chef, that lasted a month as I was fired. (They gave me a lame reason) another blow to my already deflated ego. I continued at Subway thinking I could not do much better. Eventually, I did quit, as I had been promised a management position and my boss gave it to someone else.
One day, I wandered into Sport Chek, a job that would end up teaching me a lot and shaping me into the hardworking person I am today. While at Sport Chek, I was able to buy a house just before my 24th birthday, I felt blessed! Like every job, it had its ups and downs I mean, and this is a reference current chekers will understand, I was new girl, for a very long time. I made so many simple mistakes, but I was determined to do better. I did of course, became head cashier jumped around the store as merchandiser back to head cashier and Sales Support Coordinator. Sadly that's as high on the Chek ladder that I could see myself going. I didn't want to manage a department like clothing as my position allowed me to dabble in management and the lazy new 16 year olds just frustrated me. I didn't need or want the stress of raising someone else's children.
This brings me to my current job which came as a complete surprise to me. I couldn't have imagined a job where I'd work for and with such awesome people. I have great hours and make more than I did at the Chek. Things were going good and I thought it was about time to buy a car. Remember that I am Miss negativity, I never thought I'd buy a house and I never thought I could own a car. Things were looking good and I was feeling pretty great.
Then that avalanche hit. What was I thinking? Why did I think I could be better and have better than I did in my childhood? Why did I for some reason think I deserved to have these blessings?
You ask, why the mental breakdown? Well today was a rough day. I went into work and realized I've made all these mistakes, but I didn't let it get to me and said to myself, "I will do better!" The end of the day couldn't have come soon enough and I had this bright idea to run home instead of bussing, so I left my purse at work changed into my workout clothes and I was off! For about 15 minutes I felt pretty great! I soon got tired and began walking and tried jogging every so often. If you don't already know this about me, I don't workout very often but I'm wanting to get back into it. Suddenly, I could feel my feet tingling, I'm not sure what that means but it freaked me out! At that point I was ready to give up but the bus stop route next to me was done for the night, I trudged on. I took a break at a bus stop that would take me closer to home and was happy to see it was just down the street. As I reached for my bus pass, I found that I had lost it along with my debit card. Lululemon, you failed me! I thanked the driver for stopping and told him I lost my pass but he told me to get on the bus and gave me a transfer as well, I'm extremely grateful for his kindness. Once I got off the bus I found that the transferring bus did not come for quite some time so I kept walking. Meanwhile I began to beat myself up about losing my bus pass. In my head I began adding things like "Just throwing money away, no wonder you're struggling financially." Let's just say it was not a fun walk home.
Today was a rough day. I can't seem to get ahead ever, maybe it's because I mentally think I don't deserve to. Maybe it's because I don't have enough faith. It seems when I try to better myself by getting in shape and eating right, by reading my bible and praying more or trying to get ahead of my financial struggles, I get no where. I'm a salmon swimming against the current.
Today was a rough day.
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