We need to be better!

I recently stumbled across an article or advertisement for the documentary leaving Neverland. I know there's a lot of controversy over whether people are trying to get money and fame or whether these boys were actually harmed by Michael Jackson because it's heartbreaking.

Here are my thoughts. Lying about sexual abuse is very rare especially having to tell it in such detail. What we need to acknowledge is that a lot of things have changed. The me-too movement has opened a lot of doors for people to speak out, mostly for women but also for men. The thing that we often forget is that boys and men can be victimized as well.

 I personally do not know if I will be able to watch the documentary because of the anger it will create in me. I'd like to believe that Michael Jackson never harmed a child, but I know how much bad there is in the world.

If you think about it speaking up about sexual abuse as a child is very hard. When these allegations came out in the 90's were these other boys still being groomed and abused? If they were to testify in court was their abuser there?

From my own personal story, my sister and I we're asked if the allegations towards my my dad were true while my dad was sitting there in the room. My Dad tried to twist what had happened, by saying that I had walked in on him in the shower and asked questions. I became confused by his denial of what had actually happened so I stammered and agreed. Everyone went to bed that night and the next morning after my dad had gone to work our mom asked us again. I told her my dad was lying. It was the beginning of freedom for us.

Child molesters/pedophiles put a lot of time and effort into grooming their victims. They're able to create a sense of safety and love for their victim and then they use that to get what they want. In the interviews that I watched one of the men states that he loved Michael. I can't imagine what it would be like to have allegations come out against someone you care about as one of these boys. I mean if you were their main object of affection and you found out that they had other objects of affection you would feel betrayed. It would cause confusion about love and many other emotions. Perhaps things like why was I not good enough? Maybe denial that you were a victim.

I was never sure growing up what was going on. Is this what was happening in other people's homes? Was this supposed to be how you were to love someone? Why does it make me sad or mad? How can I still care about his well being? My dad listens to my stories about my school day he must care, right?

It's hard to know what went on unless we allow people to speak up about their experiences. Yes, it may be hard to believe, yes, it may be hard to hear but imagine how hard it is for them to say it. One thing that we need to remember is that allowing people to speak about it frees them from it. The time that they spent silent has kept their fears and thoughts captive. We need to listen.

What I find most frustrating is that media has to play a big part in justification when it comes to celebrities. Celebrities are more likely to pay a settlement. I imagine that there are some people out there who are trying to scam some money out of a celebrity but would you not rather have your name cleared then be the person who shoved money at somebody to keep them quiet? It took a lot of years for the Cosby  nonsense to be clarified but he was brought to justice. I can't understand that the Surviving R. Kelly documentary and things of the like may have been necessary so that people's voices were actually heard. Why do we refuse to listen unless it's big and flashy and noisy?

What I can say is that it is unfortunate that Michael Jackson had passed and that more victims have come forward. Without his testimony or statement there can be no justice or his name cannot be cleared if he was innocent.

One law that I don't completely understand is the statute of limitations. I feel like in the case of sexual abuse criminal charges should be allowed to be pressed many years later. Victims of a crime like this with such mental and emotional damage and Corruption are not always able to speak up right away. If we're not here to stand up for victims what are we even doing?

We need to do two things be better at protecting children, and believe those who speak up.

Testimony time

I recently shared this on Sunday.

As Pastor Paul had mentioned last Sunday, we went to Dominican to be put to work, to allow God to minister to the people there through us. Instead he met us there and he gave me healing.

I know that Sarah had shared with the Ladies group about our childhood but for those of you who weren’t there I’ll share a bit about it. My sisters and I were abused by our father for 10 years of our childhood, it was our own personal hell. Although we were in it together I felt alone. Eventually our older sister spoke up about it when she was 18 and our father went to prison.

We went to church occasionally growing up but I was rather confused by the thought of a God who said I should be honouring my parents when a horrific thing was going on in my household. When my father was in Jail, I opened my heart to God. I realized he was there with us, and counted every tear that was shed. God placed people in our lives who loved and supported us. I had a new Father, whose love never waivered.

Over the years I have struggled with forgiveness. I would forgive my earthly father and try to live my life, but flackbacks and traumatic memories haunted me and hate grew. I tried living my life, forgetting  the memories and forgetting him. With God’s help I have found strength to get up every morning. Even though I was on fire for God for a few years I have since become a very surface level Christian, barely reading my bible and only praying in church.

In Dominican, when I shared my testimony I was very direct and to the point because nerves and emotions took over. Pastor Juan asked everyone to come pray with me. I normally don’t cry in front of people but then my sister began to (in her words, not mine) ugly cry, this allowed me to let it out and allow God into my heart again. The women from Dominican hugged me one by one leaving me with words of affirmation of God's love and power.

I had not realized it before but I still don’t trust God. I have had a handful of men hurt me in my life and betray the trust that I put in them. Although I have started to allow myself to trust a few key people that make me feel safe who I know won’t hurt me, I haven’t completely put my trust in God. I still have a lot of healing to do and I’m grateful that God used this trip to open my eyes to the fact that he’s not done pursuing me yet.

My favorite bible verse is John 15:16

“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit--fruit that will last--and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.”

The part that sticks out to me most is in the first line, - You did not choose me, but I chose you. Often times we think we chose to love God but we forget that he first loved us. HE chose you!