Testimony time

I recently shared this on Sunday.

As Pastor Paul had mentioned last Sunday, we went to Dominican to be put to work, to allow God to minister to the people there through us. Instead he met us there and he gave me healing.

I know that Sarah had shared with the Ladies group about our childhood but for those of you who weren’t there I’ll share a bit about it. My sisters and I were abused by our father for 10 years of our childhood, it was our own personal hell. Although we were in it together I felt alone. Eventually our older sister spoke up about it when she was 18 and our father went to prison.

We went to church occasionally growing up but I was rather confused by the thought of a God who said I should be honouring my parents when a horrific thing was going on in my household. When my father was in Jail, I opened my heart to God. I realized he was there with us, and counted every tear that was shed. God placed people in our lives who loved and supported us. I had a new Father, whose love never waivered.

Over the years I have struggled with forgiveness. I would forgive my earthly father and try to live my life, but flackbacks and traumatic memories haunted me and hate grew. I tried living my life, forgetting  the memories and forgetting him. With God’s help I have found strength to get up every morning. Even though I was on fire for God for a few years I have since become a very surface level Christian, barely reading my bible and only praying in church.

In Dominican, when I shared my testimony I was very direct and to the point because nerves and emotions took over. Pastor Juan asked everyone to come pray with me. I normally don’t cry in front of people but then my sister began to (in her words, not mine) ugly cry, this allowed me to let it out and allow God into my heart again. The women from Dominican hugged me one by one leaving me with words of affirmation of God's love and power.

I had not realized it before but I still don’t trust God. I have had a handful of men hurt me in my life and betray the trust that I put in them. Although I have started to allow myself to trust a few key people that make me feel safe who I know won’t hurt me, I haven’t completely put my trust in God. I still have a lot of healing to do and I’m grateful that God used this trip to open my eyes to the fact that he’s not done pursuing me yet.

My favorite bible verse is John 15:16

“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit--fruit that will last--and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.”

The part that sticks out to me most is in the first line, - You did not choose me, but I chose you. Often times we think we chose to love God but we forget that he first loved us. HE chose you!